The Furious Spinner

Awake with the loonies. Or lunies. Or Moonies.

Stop it, Kim.

I woke up Saturday morning and my sense of smell was gone. Did I say? Hasn't returned yet. Trying not to freak out about it or imagine the worse.

Not sleeping tonight. Apparently not using subjects in my sentences either.

My sleep has been so erratic. Four hours one night. Four hours the next night. Walked in the woods anyway. Deep into the forest. Hanging out with the Old Growth. Talked with the Leprechaun of the Woods. And a Wren. She just sang and sang. Enveloped by green, that deep rich nourishing old forest green. And then the falls. Ummmm. Such nourishment.

Another day. Or the same day? Went to Portland. Shopping. Stopped at Powell's. I went to the cookbook section. Shelf after shelf after bookcase of books about food and cooking. I picked up the book French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure by Mireille Guiliano. Not because I care about the fat part. But the eating for pleasure. Or the doing anything for pleasure. That piqued my interest. Or something. I flipped through it. I think I read one sentence. I don't know. But I imagined walking down a sunlit road, golden fields on either side of me, on my way to or from a feast. I felt relaxed, happy, part of a community. In my imagination. In that glimpse of a time or place before. In another country. And I began sobbing. Right there in the stacks. Came upon me so suddenly I fell back into the bookshelf behind me. And then I realized where I was. Might be scaring people.

Something about the way we live is just wrong. Or not working for me. Too much driving. Disconnection. Something...I wish I could articulate it better.

I told Mario what happened, and he said, "We could move to France."

Is there no place in this country? Is it all soulless? All disconnected? Is our whole country just one big Kmart? Has it always been that way?

I remember when I travelled in Europe. It was so different. The same and different. Solid. Ancient. Connected. What is the word I'm looking for?

I don't know.

It had soul. It wasn't a shell of a place.

Maybe I'm just feeling like a shell of a person. Though I don't think that's it. I don't feel as though I'm depressed. This feels as though I am seeing the truth of something.

Is our country all fast food? No nourishment.

Empty calories?


We spent the morning cooking.

Can't seem to stop cooking. I'm not writing. Maybe I'm trying to nourish myself in other ways. Nourish all of us. While we were cooking, Serena came over. We fed her. Hugged her. When she left, we set the table. Plate, bowl, bowl. Napkin. Fork. Spoon. Spoon. Glasses. Michelle came over and we fed her. Talked. I tried to smell everything. Nada. I had Michelle taste test everything and make suggestions. We sat at our Big River table and talked and ate and talked and ate. Two soups, even though I'd made three. We squeezed lime into both soups. Added cilantro. I sucked on lime slices. Dropped lime slices into the lentils, pulled them out, and sucked on them. Michelle had brought hummus made from sprouted garbanzos and sesame seeds. We dunked fresh greens and steamed veggies with garlic into them. We ate tofu cheesecake with a strawberry topping and/or plums Michelle had canned. Mmmmm. Talked about my meltdown in Powell's. Wondered how we make community. Just do it. Do it, do it, she said. I tried for years. Have tried for years. Gathering after gathering after gathering. It was never reciprocated. No connection. Like eating in Faeryland. Or in a dream. Nothing substantial ever came out of it. But it's more than that. Why couldn't I explain it? Can't explain it. Doesn't matter. Right now I had this moment. I had these people. I had this day.

In the end, we ate until we were full. Nourished by each other and the food. We got lots of leftovers. I packed up soup and cheesecake for Michelle.

We hugged each other. She opened her suitcase and showed me a piece of cloth with a batik painting on it of a mermaid and dogs. Someone painted it for Michelle. She gave it to me. Then she thanked me for lunch and left.

It was a good day, all in all.

I hope yours was the same.


What we ate:

First, I made Curious Curried Cod and Rice Chowder. (Yes, cod. Once every few years I have white fish. I'm not a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian for years. It didn't work for me. I liked being a vegetarian, but I didn't get healthier. Got less healthy actually. Some people can do it and stay healthy. I can't. At least not at this stage in my life. I see myself as a flexitarian. I also believe that a meat-eating diet doesn't have to be any less sustainable than a vegetarian diet. In fact, many vegetarian diets are not particularly sustainable. But that's another tale.)

I got the idea for the Curious Curried Cod from The Splendid Grain by Rebecca Wood, only her recipe is curried barley and cod chowder and she forgot to say how much curry to put in! I sauteed the mustard seeds, put in the gorgeous fresh ginger and chopped onion, daikon radish, the stock, the cooked rice, the cod, and kept reading the recipe looking for how much curry I should put in. Nothing. I laughed and dropped in about a tablespoon of curry. Tasted it. Not enough. Another tablespoon. Oh hell, I dropped in another. Then a bunch of salt, a bit of tamari. She called for three tablespoons of miso, but I didn't have any; thus the salt and tamari. The chowder was delicious. The color of saffron water. Mustard seeds tiny black surprises that popped in my mouth. Ahhh! The cod melted right into my belly.

Recipe

1 T coconut oil, olive oil or ghee
1 T mustard seeds
1-3 T curry, depending upon your taste
1 T grated ginger
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 1/2 cups diced daikon
6 cups fish stock (or veggie or chicken stock)
1/2 cup cooked rice (or barley)
1/2 pound fresh cod, cut into pieces
fresh cilantro

Heat the oil. Put in the mustard seeds. Wait for them to start to pop. Add the curry and the ginger and stir. Add the onion and daikon and saute until they start to soften. (If you don't want to fry, I would sweat the onions and daikon—low heat, no oil—and then add everything else. I'm not sure about this. Try it and see.) Add the stock and rice and simmer for about 15 minutes. Add the cod and cook for 5 minutes more. Add tamari and/or salt to taste. Garnish with cilantro.


I also made lentil stew. I think I've given you that recipe before, so I'll move right on to the tofu cheesecake. I used a recipe in the Blossoming Lotus cookbook as a starting point. They used spelt flour. Mine is completely gluten free.

Say No Cheese Cake

Filling
2 lbs tofu
1/3 agave syrup (or to taste)
1/3 maple syrup (or to taste)
1/2 c coconut milk
zest of one lemon
1/3 c fresh lemon juice
2 1/2 T arrowroot powder
2 T vanilla extract (real vanilla extract, none of that fake crap)
1/2 tsp sea salt, or to taste


Crust: Dry
1 1/2 c millet flour (or quinoa or combo), freshly milled
1/2 arrowroot powder
1 tsp baking power (or 1/4 tsp baking soda)
1/4 fresh cardamom power
1/4 tsp salt, or to taste

Crust: Wet
1/3 olive oil
1/8 cup agave, or to taste
3 T maple syrup
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350. To make the crust, combine the dry ingredients. Mix well. Mix together wet ingredients separately. (You might be able to skip the egg; I added that since I wasn't using gluten flour.) Add the wet ingredients to the dry. Mix well. Without the gluten flour it was very sticky. Keep your fingers wet and it's a bit easier. Press the crust into a 10' pan. (They say to use a spring form pan, but I don't have one.) Bake for 5-10 minutes. You want it to be done but not too hard. I've only made this once, so I'm not sure how long. They recommend 5 minutes. I didn't think that was long enough. Let it cool.

For the filling, put everything in a large blender. It wouldn't all fit in the cuisinart, so we did it in stages. Blend until smooth like sour cream. (Michelle suggests using silken tofu.) Pour over the crust and bake for an hour or until it's golden brown and doesn't jiggle a lot. Let it cool and then cut and serve and moan with pleasure!

Use any kind of fruit topping you like. We used plums. I also made a strawberry sauce. Cut up some strawberries. Add a bit of water. Add some minced mint, a bit of freshly ground cardamom power and a couple pinches of cinnamon powder. If it's too tart, feel free to add a bit of maple syrup or agave.

This was amazing cake. And it looked like a real cheesecake which was amazing to me. Now, I haven't had cheesecake in over twenty years, so I don't claim it tastes like cheesecake because I don't know. The consistency will be better if you can really get the filling smooth, Michelle says.

Enjoy! We certainly did.

Labels: food, recipes, sleep, sustainability

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