In times of old, The Furies protected Mother Right. If a mother (or any woman) was harmed, The Furies swooped down and took their vengeance. They were one of the last vestiges of a world that existed before the patriarchy. When we feel righteous anger, it is The Furies who are calling out to us to make what is wrong right again.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Home (Updated 8:30 p.m.) 

Hello! It's 5:00 p.m. and we just got home. She was able to do about half the surgery. Since I was awake they had to use a lot of local anesthesia and that has epinephrine in it and that made my heart rate and blood pressure too high. But before that, I did great. They did great. They were all wonderful. Next time I'll probably have to go under. It'll be all right. Now I need to eat. Haven't eaten and drank since 11:30 p.m. last night. I can breathe through one nostril, which is more than I've been able to do for a decade. Now I need to rest, relax, and recuperate.

Thank you so much for all your good wishes. I'm sure they helped.

P.S. Just updated this 8:30 p.m. I've learned how to look in a dictionary to spell anesthesia and I've remembered the difference between "half" and "have." If you read this post earlier, you'll understand. Maybe. If not, it doesn't matter. My heart rate is back to normal. Yeah! Only took a couple of hours after we left the clinic, and the doc said it might take a day. I'm not bleeding very much, knock wood, and the doc said it could last days. So far so good. I feel kind of weird, but I'm sure that will pass. 5 comments

Monday, February 27, 2006

Off to See the Wizard 

10:00 a.m. check in time. Surgery probably around 11:00. Thanks for all your love, best wishes, ceremonies, rituals, etc. It's going to be all right.

I think this really really really might be the last time I write before the surgery.

May You Dance in Beauty! 0 comments

So High School 

Mario glanced at this article and said in a singsong voice, "Karl loves Hillary." Then he said, "Politics is just high school for grown-ups."

Yep.

Didn't get to sleep until 3:30 a.m. Geez. Hope I sleep tonight. Dreamed I was fooling around with somebody. Nobody you know. Nobody I know. Much more fun than grizzly bears and lions. Too much information? Give me a break. I haven't slept and they're gonna cut me tomorrow.

"So West Side Story," Mario said when I read this to him. I hope not. Didn't they all die? 2 comments

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Do Sheep Dream of Androids? 

Mario and I went hiking on a section of the Pacific Crest trail today, over by Stabler. It was supposed to rain today, but we drove out anyway. Falling Creek is still snowed in, so we decided to try this trail that a friend told us about. We walked over a wooden bridge, pausing to gaze at the stream below, and then we stepped into the forest: green moss covering the ground and root systems, lichen hanging from branches like tattered clothes, nurse logs bringing up baby trees, the sound of water a pleasant white noise. We walked on the dark cinnamon colored trail up and through the forest, some old growth maybe, but mostly third growth. We wondered why we hardly ever see wildlife in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. Mario thought it was because there are more places to hide here. In the Southwest we often saw wildlife—especially birds. No birds here. Nothing today except the sound of the water. And guns. I hoped no Dick Cheneys lurked in the woods today.

We walked to the top of the ridge where it opened up to reveal the foothills of the foothills of the Cascades and tree covered slopes of second growth, all uniform in their uniformity. Monoculture. I sat down on the stone and talked to the place. As I stood to leave, I noticed a small manzanita tree growing out of the stone, curling and curving its red-barked limbs against the stone face as if determined to have the best view in the house. We breathed deeply, said a little prayer to the place, and then we headed down again.

I wondered on the way down if animals have imagination. Mario asked for my definition of imagination. I said it was the ability to create a story or scenario that has not actually happened. In other words, make stuff up. He thought animals could do that. Doesn't a dog have to predict where the Frisbee is going to be thrown before she catches it?

"So you think a baseball player uses his imagination when he catches a baseball?" I asked.

"Not once they know how to do it," Mario said. "But before then, before they can do it they have to imagine being able to do it. So would the dog."

Mario pointed out that animals dream. But is that imagination? And how would be ever be able to research such a thing? Guess I better brush up on my animal linguistic skills.

Somehow this conversation segued into a discussion of Philip K. Dick. Another one who died too soon. Although that was not the heart of our conversation. What does it mean to be human was at the heart of Dick's work. As we talked I wondered what themes were prevalent in my work: loss of memory, loss of home, searching for connection.

As we neared the end of the trail, I said to Mario that I enjoyed this trail very much, but it wasn't like Falling Creek. There we are amongst our elders. Here not so much. Mario agreed and said, "This trail doesn't have the passion--"

He was behind me and I heard him groan. I knew he had fallen. I turned around. He looked all right. He had rolled with the fall he said. He got up and brushed himself off.

"Now what were we talking about?" he asked.

We couldn't remember for several minutes and then I laughed and said, "Passion. You said this trail didn't have the passion of Falling Creek. He didn't mean anything by it. He was just talking."

"Well, I guess we discovered this trail is a little touchy," he said.

At the bridge, we stood by the water for a time, then drove home.

Now we just finished lunch. Mario is doing the dishes. Later we'll probably watch The Gilmore Girls. We're on season three, I think. It's a fantasy, but I enjoy it very much. Tomorrow I'll go to the acupuncturist one more time. In the afternoon, I'll find out what time the surgery will be on Tuesday. I'm confident it'll be fine. I've been having terrible awful dreams lately. One after another of lions, tigers, and bears. I'm not kidding. A grizzly bear was eating up people. The lions, tigers, cheetahs, and leopards have been coming after me. I dreamed of a bobcat once and I turned away from it. Not sure why. I dreamed last night that I was a healer. I rubbed my hands together and put them on a woman who was dying. I couldn't imagine how I could save her, but I did it any way. I keep hoping Dave will come to me in a dream, but he hasn't. And we haven't heard anything about a funeral or memorial service.

This will probably be the last time I write here before the surgery. Wish me luck and good health. I wish the same for you. See you on the flip side.

May You Heal in Beauty! 4 comments

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Poet 

One of my oldest and dearest friends died yesterday. I've spoken of him here, most often as our poet friend. Or by his name, David Johnson. When we moved out West in 1982 and landed in Bandon, Oregon, he was one of the first people we met. I believe the first time I saw him he was working on a printing press in the back of the historical museum. I can still see him there. Smiling. A twinkle. He always seemed to have a twinkle back then. And a way with words and a turn of a phrase that could even put Tom Robbins to shame. He kept his private life close to him, as many Westerners do, but he could talk about poetry and writing until the cows came home. I loved him immediately. The three of us began a writing group back then and others came and went but Dave was always there.

I don't remember which of us moved away from Bandon first. Except for a few lost years, we stayed in contact. The lost years happened to be when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He called us about a year after the diagnosis when he was living in Eugene. He moved up to Portland, and we loved it because we got to see him a lot. When we reunited in Portland, we had both mellowed with age, and we became much closer because we saw that we now shared chronic illness—something both of us hated yet we both continued to write, continued to surf the creative flow, although his journey was much rougher than mine, far more filled with peril.

I never saw him feel sorry for himself. I saw him frustrated. Trying to convince the appropriate agencies that yes he really did have a brain tumor so he could get medical treatment and disability was not a fun time. Having a stroke and wandering around lost in his building was not fun. Having another stroke while getting chemotherapy was very difficult. He had to learn to walk and use his hand again. Getting another brain tumor on his tumor was really not a good time. Not to mention the side effects of his medication, etc. But he continued to write. He fell in love and got married. He moved to Russia. He got kicked out of Russia. His wife left him. He kept writing.

We saw him just before we left for Arizona. Took him to the Tao of Tea. A couple of weeks ago, he finished his last round of chemo for the tumor on the tumor which had disappeared last year. He was so excited about ending that. He was so excited about a couple of readings he was doing in a couple of months. Plus he was coming out with a new poetry book. He had a new girlfriend. He was supposed to get knee surgery yesterday, and we had promised to bring food to the hospital and hang out with him during rehab.

He never made it to surgery. His ex-wife found him in his one-room apartment after the hospital called wondering where he was. We don't know why he died yet. And it doesn't matter. I've talked so much about his illness, but he was more than that. He was poetry. He was the bard. He knew everyone, in a laidback kind of way. (Never heard him brag about nuthin' his whole life.) He was charming and good looking. (He would be very pleased I said so.) We loved him truly, dearly, absolutely, and we still do. We cannot imagine the world without him. 8 comments

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others 

I work for a library which now has some of the most restrictive public use policies in the nation. I live in a country which is now being compared to Stalinist Russia. At least that's what I think Archbishop Sentamu meant when he said we're heading toward George Orwell's Animal Farm. He has asked the UN to take legal action against United States. I hope they do. But what are the odds?

He told the Independent, "The American Government is breaking international law. The main building block of a democratic society is that everyone is equal before the law, innocent until proved otherwise, and has the right to legal representation. If the guilt of the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay is beyond doubt, why are the Americans afraid to bring them to trial? Transparency and accountability are the other side of the coin of freedom and responsibility. We are all accountable for our actions in spite of circumstances. The events of 9/11 cannot erase the rule of law and international obligations.

"The US should try all 500 detainees at Guantanamo, who still include eight British residents, or free them without further delay. To hold someone for up to four years without charge clearly indicates a society that is heading towards George Orwell's Animal Farm."

I guess we are the pigs, eh? 0 comments

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Spinning Into Stillness 

Misery does not love company. At least not my misery. I try to run, run, run from it. Alone. I spin from that to this. Stillness is the antithesis of what I am. Not of who I am. What I am.

Finally, tears streaming down my face, I sit but can't be still. Fall into the computer. In the background Boozoo Bajou pounds. We just finished watching Happy Endings. Sometimes it just does not seem possible to stand all that is happening in the world. And I am one of the lucky ones.

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

Today someone sent me an essay by David James Duncan. He has decided that he will do no great things. He writes, "I have no faith in any kind of political party, left, right, or centrist. I have boundless faith in love. In keeping with this faith, the only spiritually responsible way I know to be a citizen, artist, or activist is by giving little or no thought to things such as saving the planet, achieving world peace, or stopping neocon greed. Great things tend to be undoable things. Small things, lovingly done, are always within our reach."

I keep forgetting that. Love, love, love. I forgot it today after reading Duncan's piece, so wrapped up was I in loss: grieving one more loss of integrity, trying to uselessly resuscitate my place of employment back into something meaningful, imagining the world after global warming, trying to quell the sickness and depression which fogged my being.

I was alone all day. No friend or foe called. Not that I wanted anyone. Mario came home on his breaks and tried to connect with me. I was off somewhere spinning that cloak of misery around me. Like a crazy straight-jacket.

So now I've stumbled away in my aloneness and I fall into the Journal of Mythic Arts. There I find the beauty I crave. I read that which needs to be screamed at me, apparently, for it to sink into my beautiful suffering body:

"Whichever road I follow, I walk in the land of many gods, and they
love and eat one another. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me.
Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands." Linda Hogan, from Dwellings

It is on the same page as an amazing piece of artwork by Mark Wagner called "Offerings."

I will try to sit in stillness, let the misery wash over me. Will it wash all of me away, or just enough? Too much. Then I will remember. I am the result of the love of thousands.

Maybe that will help. 0 comments

Make Their Own Country 

I'm tired of these people. Make them go away and start their own damn country. It's a whole other culture. I've tried living with them, but they've taken over my country and they aren't doing good things to it. Make them go away. I don't like it. I don't like them. They suck, man. Now I'm going to go pout. I've tried everything else. 0 comments

Code of Ethics 

For those of you who may be interested in the entire library Code of Ethics, here they are:

1. We provide the highest level of service to all library users through appropriate and usefully organized resources; equitable service policies; equitable access; and accurate, unbiased, and courteous responses to all requests.
2. We uphold the principles of intellectual freedom and resist all efforts to censor library resources.
3. We protect each library user's right to privacy and confidentiality with respect to information sought or received and resources consulted, borrowed, acquired or transmitted.
4. We recognize and respect intellectual property rights.
5. We treat co-workers and other colleagues with respect, fairness and good faith, and advocate conditions of employment that safeguard the rights and welfare of all employees of our institutions.
6. We do not advance private interests at the expense of library users, colleagues, or our employing institutions.
7. We distinguish between our personal convictions and professional duties and do not allow our personal beliefs to interfere with fair representation of the aims of our institutions or the provision of access to their information resources.
8. We strive for excellence in the profession by maintaining and enhancing our own knowledge and skills, by encouraging the professional development of co-workers, and by fostering the aspirations of potential members of the profession.

Adopted June 28, 1995, by the ALA Council

Does this mean my library is no longer ethical? 1 comments

Brown Shirts Are Here 

Given what has just happened at my own library system, I was stunned to read this from the Washington Post:

Two uniformed men strolled into the main room of the Little Falls library in Bethesda one day last week and demanded the attention of all patrons using the computers. Then they made their announcement: The viewing of Internet pornography was forbidden.

The men looked stern and wore baseball caps emblazoned with the words "Homeland Security." ...After the two men made their announcement, one of them challenged an Internet user's choice of viewing material and asked him to step outside, according to a witness.


Fortunately a librarian intervened and the day was saved. Yeah!

But no one saved the day for my library. I came to work for a library system which had the best Intellectual Freedom policies in the nation. Now it has one of the most conservative and restrictive policies. The board made these changes because of a small group of people. So it's time for the liberals and progressives to stand up and make known their viewpoints.

In the meantime, it's very sad. 0 comments

My Library Now Censors 

As you may or may not have heard, my library board has voted to put filters on all the internet stations. The ACLU came and argued against doing this. The Board did it anyway. It is a sad, sad day. Here's the letter I wrote to the Board:

Dear Board:

I work for FVRL and FVRL is my library. My husband Mario and I moved to the area in 1987 because I accepted a job at FVRL. I wanted to work here because FVRL was renowned across the nation for its stance on Intellectual Freedom issues and its protection of the rights of patrons. I know that many of the librarians chose to work here for exactly the same reasons. I even commended FVRL's board in my novel Coyote Cowgirl that was published in 2003. I wrote, "Thanks to the board and staff of the Fort Vancouver Regional Library and the boards and staffs of public libraries throughout the country who courageously defend the Bill of Rights and protect our intellectual freedoms daily."

Over the eighteen years I’ve worked here, I have disagreed with the Board and the administration before, of course. I don’t believe it is necessary or even productive for an organization to have everyone agree. In fact, if everyone is always in agreement, there might be something wrong with an organization, i.e., people are afraid to speak their minds or diversity of opinion is not honored or relished. But I was shocked and appalled by this latest development, especially when I heard on the radio that we’re doing this because this community is more conservative than Portland so we have to do more filtering. (First, I’d like to know specifically what community? Our district is made up of many communities.)

As I told the director in a letter to him about this, you are sliding down a slippery slope. With CIPA you stepped onto it, now you’re sliding. The people who wanted this are not going to stop with this. They have an agenda. It feels like you wanted new buildings so much that you gave into blackmail. You gave up the values this organization has held dear and worked hard to uphold for all these years. It feels like politics; that nothing is of value; all is open to negotiation. If I was asked to vote for new buildings now, I wouldn’t vote for them. I don’t want to pay taxes to government institutions that want to suppress, repress, and/or infringe on my freedoms. If you get your buildings now, at what price? Because I say again, they won’t stop. Eventually they will go after the books. And if you don’t have your buildings by then, are you going to let them burn the books?

I actually think an intellectual argument can be made for not having internet in libraries. I think this is a discussion nationwide that librarians and boards have not had. But the argument against having internet wouldn’t have anything to do with “pornography.” As professionals, we select material for the library based on our mission statements. When we (those of us in the library profession) brought internet into libraries it was done almost uncritically. Yet library workers all over the country will tell you that the majority of patrons using internet are checking their e-mail. One librarian said to me, “It’s like having a bunch of phone booths in your library.” I thought that was apropos. Since there are many invaluable information tools available on the internet, library professionals should have been working on a way to select internet sites for their patrons the way we select other resources. That argument for either not having the internet or selecting particular sites is a valid argument. Saying we are going to filter because we don’t want patrons looking at pornography doesn’t seem like a valid intellectual argument.

For one thing, this decision seems to come up with a poor solution to a problem we don’t even have. Except for perhaps an isolated incident here or there, we don’t have a “problem” with people on the internet looking at porn. In other words, if they are looking, nobody knows.

Now this decision is made and you’ve decided to filter pornography. How are you going to define pornography? Someone said that meant full frontal nudity. What about art then? What about books about sex that have illustrations? What about art books?

We are supposed to be serving our community, not kowtowing to a verbal minority that has some kind of religious conservative agenda. Those of us who work in libraries are here to serve the patrons, not judge them. We are here to protect their liberties, not constrain them.

The idea that libraries are supposed to be safe places is a ridiculous one. A good library is a place where there is something to offend everyone. In a free society, we are willing to be offended. We don’t censor, riot, threaten, or make laws to make certain we aren’t offended. We accept being offended as part of being a member of a free society.

Have you read the Library Bill of Rights lately? It states that "materials should not be excluded because of the origin, background, or views of those contributing to their creation. Materials should not be proscribed or removed because of partisan or doctrinal disapproval....Libraries should cooperate with all persons and groups concerned with resisting abridgment of free expression and free access to ideas."

What about the ALA’s Freedom to Read Statement? It says, among other things, that "what people read is deeply important; that ideas can be dangerous; but that the suppression of ideas is fatal to a democratic society. Freedom itself is a dangerous way of life, but it is ours."

Asking the staff to monitor what people are reading or looking at in our libraries is against everything we stand for. We have a Code of Ethics which says we will "protect each library user's right to privacy and confidentiality with respect to information sought or received, and materials consulted, borrowed, acquired or transmitted." Our interactions with patrons and what they read are considered private transactions, and we protect these transactions by not divulging what the patron is reading—to anyone. (Unless we are handed a search warrant or subpoena.)

I applaud Jerry King, Elena Smith, and Bill Yee for your votes.

You might get your shiny new buildings, but FVRL is no longer the institution it once was. 2 comments

Friday, February 17, 2006

Chillin' 

I don't know if you've been paying attention to the latest news about global warming. The ice caps are breaking up twice as fast as they were five years ago and even then that was fast. They're not really sure how much the seas will rise because of this melt-off. But it won't be a good thing. Did you know winter sporters protested global warming? I find this vaguely charming.

I've said for a long time that global warming is what people should be talking to the pols about. Fortunately, mayors across the United States are trying to stop global warming even as the Bushies ignore the Kyoto Protocols.

This has been an interesting week for me. Went to see the surgeon. Her parting words to me were, "See you in a couple of weeks. We're going to have fun in the operating room." I liked that. Afterward, Mario and I went to see Transamerica. Did I mention that before? Really superb. Felicity Huffman was amazing. I went thinking I was not going to believe she was a transsexual (man) because I knew she was a woman. That lasted about two minutes. She was amazing. (I know I just said that.) Mario didn't know she was a woman and was quite perplexed when I tried to tell him who she was. "Wow," he said. "I guess those weren't her real genitalia." Guess not. Also went to the Tao of Tea for the first time since we got back. Dal and rice as usual for me.

Went to another doc on Wednesday, as I may have mentioned. They did the EKG and blood work at the surgeon's and then I waited all week for a phone call to tell me some dreadful news about my heart or blood. Didn't get the phone call so I hope that means everything is fine and the operation is a go.

I try many things to alleviate anxiety. None of them work. Yet. So I continue. I don't like waiting for tests. It's unhealthy for me to get tests because I worry compulsively about them. It's really wretched. I remember getting a mammogram and then getting the dreaded phone call. Gawd. That was awful. And then the month long or more process to see if I had cancer or not. I didn't. And let's hope the millions of mammograms they did on me before the actual biopsy won't one day give me cancer.

Every day I listen to a "For People Undergoing Surgery" tape by Belleruth Naparstek. I like it very much. She has me imagine going to a beautiful relaxing place. I go to a wooden lounge chair by the pool in Arizona. I lounge in that gray chair listening to the silence and the desert. In the meditation I am surrounded by the Old Mermaids.

(This is how Myla describes the pool area in the Church of the Old Mermaids. Now, the Church of the Old Mermaids takes place in the Old Mermaid Sanctuary which is geographically and physically very much like where I stayed in Arizona, only different. Anyway, this is how the pool area is described in COTOM: She did like sitting by the pool. It was unlike any other pool she had ever seen. It was peanut-shaped and a deep dark indigo blue with patches of lighter blue, leaving the impression that one had stumbled upon a curvature in the bedrock where a natural spring pooled. The palm tree growing next it, along with other desert foliage, helped further this nature fiction. Or maybe it wasn’t a fiction. Sometimes she sat on one of thhe lounge chairs in the middle of the day listening to the quiet and watching the cactus wrens hurry along the chest-high earth-colored wall that enclosed the pool area. Or at dusk she would stand at the edge of the pool and listening to the great-horned owl in the palm tree awaken and ask its age-old question, “Whooo? Whooo?”)

So that's where I am as this meditation begins. Then a flat-screen TV appears before me. Not that she describes it like that, but I said to Mario, "I like this tape because I'm at the Old Mermaid Sanctuary (which is how I think of the place I stayed in Arizona) with the Old Mermaids out by the pool in the sun watching television. How cool is that?" And I go into the TV into the operating and watch myself being wheeled in with all these supporters all around me and competent medical people even closer all around me. They do the operation. My body cooperates. Then I recuperate. Then I climb out of the TV, go back to the lounge chairs, and then I open my eyes. It's very nice.

I'm also listening to a CD made for me during a hypnosis treatment I had with Dr. Steven Gurgevich while in Tucson. I fall to sleep with that every night.

We’ve also gotten netflix and are watching movies and television shows with no commercials. I really like the Gilmore Girls. I also signed up for a trial of Court TV Extra so that I could watch some trials (no commercials) while I was recuperating. But so far I am not impressed with their site at all. They use Windows Media Player, and it just bites. Tonight we watched the movie Proof. Thought that was quite good. I don’t usually like plays that are made into movies. They don’t translate well. But this worked, for the most part. (I'm sorry my critiques—or lack of, really—are so lame, but I'm just not in the mood for more...)

I wish I could say I was doing more work on the Church of the Old Mermaids. Which reminds me, the latest issue of the Journal of the Mythic Arts is now posted. It's wonderful, as usual, with great essays by Terri Windling and Midori Snyder, as well as others, including one by me. Mario has a poem too. The artwork is just scrumptious.

My essay is really a piece of a much longer work, so I'm not sure it is quite as successful in this form as I would have liked. Mario pointed out after it was published that it ended too abruptly. I said, "Now you tell me." But he had read it in about five different version, as had I. After writing and reading a piece in that many different rewrites over a short period of time, you forget what you had in one and left out in the other. Ah well. You can judge for yourself. But the issue as a whole is just superb.

Time for bed. This post was going to be coherent, but I'm long past that. I dreamed last night I was in a war zone and then on a plane which began spiraling down. I knew it was going to hit and we'd probably die, but I wasn't upset. And then it hit, only it hit water, so I didn't die. I started to go under the water, but I didn't panic. I moved my feet until I found the bottom and then I slowly backed out of the water, and I was fine. Felt like a really good dream.

Now I'll go have some more.

May You Dream in Beauty! 0 comments

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Out of the Mouths of Judges 

"America's idea of what is torture is not the same as ours and does not appear to coincide with that of most civilised nations." So says a British judge, talking about the appalling treatment of prisoners (who have not been tried or convicted of anything) at Guantanamo Bay. The UN has called for the United States to close down Gitmo and try or release the prisoners. The Bushie said no. He added, "And if you don't like that, I'll get the dick to shoot you in the face." 0 comments

Bioremediating New Orleans by Starhawk 

This is from Starhawk. She's down in New Orleans helping to clean the place up. I bolded a couple of sentences just to make certain everyone sees them. If you haven't stopped using pesticides yet, this will do it.

2-10-06

Flying into New Orleans reading Jared Diamond’s Collapse, a whole history of societies throughout history that have collapsed, mostly through destroying their environment, deforestation, soil erosion, and related mistakes. I can’t help thinking that historians of the future will look back on New Orleans’ destruction in last summers’ hurricanes with the same kind of incredulity as we ponder the Easter Islanders’ cutting of their last trees. “How could they not have seen what they were doing?” they might ask. “They knew that hurricanes would come, that the levees were inadequate.” That historian might go on to mark the summer of the hurricanes as the watershed moment for the American Empire, the point where its collapse became evident, if not in the lack of preparations for the disaster, then in the utter failure of every major institution to respond adequately. “It wasn’t the beginning of the end, but it was the point where the end became visible.”

Or not. They might come to a different conclusions. if they were here with me in the Common Ground office called the House of Excellence, sitting in on our Bioremediation team meeting, watching Emily’s eyes light up with excitement as she says, “We’re really doing it—we’re really going to clean the whole thing up!” In the front room is a bank of computers with open, free internet access open to the community. In the side rooms are offices, a small kitchen. A young man with wild, dark hair spends half an hour reading one of the Narnia books to a three young girls here for daycare. Jen, Randy, Juniper and I are all deep in books on phytoremediation and beneficial fungi and compost teas and doing computer searches as we pull together the material for tomorrow’s public forum on the toxic residues here in New Orleans and our plan for the weekend’s bioremediation training. Working with these young women—it’s like having a team of Hermione Graingers at our disposal, young, incredibly smart, beautiful, and willing to dive into books and internet sites and come up with answers to almost any question, if answers exist. Juniper, who middle aged, beautiful and incredibly smart, and in fact in her day job is a respected environmental engineer, shows us her map—she has taken the EPA testing data, 75,000 pieces of information posted on their website in obscure and intimidating detail, put it together with her own data and plotted it on a map that shows the sites tested and the toxins found for all of New Orleans.

Now that we know where the hot spots are, (or at least, the one’s they’ve tested) and what the problems are, we can decide what will be the most effective ways to clean them up, using beneficial bacteria, or mushrooms, or plants. It sounds simple, but there are many complexities. Petrochemicals can be broken down by bacteria and fungi, but heavy metals are elements, and can’t be broken down. Some plants and mushrooms will extract them from the soil, but some of them need different conditions to work well. Lead, for example, is most soluble when the soil is acidic, and needs special chelating agents to be taken up in quantities. Arsenic, one of the most common pollutants, is most soluble when the soil is alkaline. We can find references to plants that will take it up, but where the hell do we get seeds for Alpine Pennycress or spores of Ladder Brakefern? The methods we would use to uptake metals in plants are exactly contradictory to those we might use to bind them into the soil in a form that will be less harmful to other life forms. Which do we do?

It’s exciting. It’s also uncharted territory. Lots of people have worked on bioremediation, in the lab, on highly toxic sites, in well funded cleanup efforts. We don’t know of anyone who has tried it on a low-budget, mass movement backyard scale.

2-13-06

Two days of intense research, followed by the forum and two days of training. The forum went well, with about a hundred people crowded into the gutted front room of the church that is hosting Common Ground’s Community Center on the east side of town. We had the usual technical problems—Juniper’s great maps that showed so clearly on the computer didn’t show up at all when projected onscreen, but otherwise lots of good information and enthusiasm.

Because of the hurricane, the EPA has now tested New Orleans for a whole host of contaminants. The EPA has not tested the back yards of Brooklyn or Chicago or Detroit—but chances are if they did they would find many of the same contaminants as in New Orleans. Katrina didn’t create the arsenic or the diesel fuels, she just spread them around. Some came from industrial spills and refineries, of course. But the lead and the arsenic, probably the most wide-spread contaminants, were already in the soil. Louisiana has a generally high background level of arsenic in its soils, but much of what is here now probably comes from using treated lumber, herbicides, pesticides and lawn chemicals. One piece of data seems to highlight this issue: the Sun Done garden, an organic garden for fifteen years, tests in the safe zone for all the major contaminants, including arsenic. Other backyards, just a few blocks away, test high. Thinking about how to bioremediate these toxins brings us back around to think about how insane it is to be putting them onto the ground in the first place. On the larger scale, bioremediation means learning to grow food organically and live sustainably I the first place.

Saturday we began our training at the Sun Done Community Garden, one of sixty coordinated by a nonprofit called Parkway Partners. It’s a big piece of ground, maybe half an acre, tucked between the back yards of houses in a residential area that flooded heavily and is still mostly deserted. When I was here in November, the garden was a shambles, the greenhouse in pieces on the ground, only one or two beds in shape to plant. Now, the Common Ground crew, spurred by Lisa and Emily, have done a miraculous work of transformation. The raised beds and reconfigured and are growing greens and vegetables that we’ve been eating at the Community Center. The greenhouse has been re-erected, covered with new plastic, and fittled with gutters and rain catchment that have filled half a dozen barrels of water from last night’s downpour. There’s a small compost toilet in the back and room for seating and training inside the greenhouse.

We were expecting somewhere between ten and thirty people, and made handouts for fifty, thinking we’d have extras. But people begin swarming in, and soon the greenhouse is filled and overflowing.

We spend the day going over the toxins that have been found in New Orleans’ soil, and the three basic methods of bioremediating them—using microorganisms, using fungi and mushrooms, and using plants. We divide people into different groups for hands-on practice, making compost, starting worm bins (worm castings are the major source for the microorganisms we culture), starting seeds and taking cuttings, and inoculating strata with mushroom spawn.

And then we spent Sunday teaching about fungi and using plants to accumulate heavy metals. Part of our project will be to put up a website with all our data and information, and to do some documented trials to learn much, much more about how all this might work. There’s lots more to tell, but I’m going to send this first report out now, while I have internet access. More later, Starhawk

A Valentine from New Orleans

2-14-06

Saturday Night, we went down to the French Quarter and saw the first walking parade of the Mardi Gras season. The parades are sponsored and carried out by groups called Krewes, and Krewe de Vieux is known for its irreverence and satire. The theme this year was Katrina, and the satire was lively. Most memorable float—probably the last one, Mandatory Ejaculation, with a giant vagina on the cart and lots of people carrying sperm on sticks, white balls with long wiggly tales, behind.

I went down with Sue and Juniper, and Scotty who promised to desert us in favor of some of his younger friends. It was great to see the streets filled with people, to be crushed in the crowd and to hear the drums and follow the parade. The French Quarter is a perfect setting, with its narrow streets and high balconies that turn the whole city into a stage. If I ever get to design a city, I will be thinking about how to make it work for parades and processions, demonstrations and insurrections, with maybe a few hidden bowers for lovers here and there. At last I got to hear jazz, with band after band parading through the streets, trumpets and trombones and drummers with those lively, syncopated rhythms that make your feet dance. You can’t help but feel happy when that music is playing. After huge traumas and great sorrows, music knits the world together again, and that’s what the jazz musicians and the singers of blues know how to do.

After the parade, eight of us went out to dinner. Somehow, once we squeezed past the crowded, smoky bar, the restaurant was quiet, the food was delicious—gumbo and shrimp creole and good wine. Melissa, who was born and raised here, was in her element—at last our whole workaholic cluster had relaxed enough to go out to dinner and experience a bit of the culture she loves.

Monday we saw another face of New Orleans. It was the day that FEMA hotel vouchers ran out, and people were being evicted. Common Ground set up a demonstration at City Hall, prepared to put up a tent city if local residents requested it. I stayed there much of the morning, while we waited to here if an injunction would be issued to stave off the evictions. The injunction was denied. I heard some of the sad tales of FEMA incompetence and bureaucratic nightmares: the woman who had a job in New Orleans but no housing, who was offered a shelter in Shreveport by FEMA but then would lose her job, and who wanted to stay together with her family. The woman whose sign for the demonstration was a board from her house, who had a voucher from FEMA for a hotel room up until March 1, but couldn’t find an hotel in town that would accept the voucher. Later, Sue came home from a long day with the sad tale of the man who was evicted from his hotel. FEMA wouldn’t pay for a room but, in the only incidence of efficiency I’ve ever heard attributed to them. Immediately issued him a plane ticket to Illinois where he had family. It might seem that they were eager to get people out of town, were it not for their unwillingness to issue him a cab voucher or give him any help to get to the airport. Sue drove him, helping him sort out all of his worldly possessions, which were in clear, plastic bags, and fit what he could into a suitcase.

Today, Valentine’s Day, I spent taking samples of soil from some of the most toxic sites in New Orleans—a romantic occupation if ever there was one! The EPA tested most of the neighborhoods here, but is refusing to go back and retest, a pretty standard procedure, saying that access is too difficult. Juniper and Jen combed through the EPA data to actually identify twenty or so of the most toxic sites, and trained a group of us to take the samples. The sites are street corners, peoples’ back yards, schoolyards. We wear protective boots and carefully keep the soil we scoop up from getting contaminated and record all the necessary data. I am the photographer and recorder on our team. Mark, the driver and chief sampler, is an experienced biologist who has done this before, so it goes quickly. The samples will be sent back to Washington DC, where the National Resource Defense Council will at some point hold a press conference and present the samples to the EPA.

I am overwhelmed at the scope of the destruction I’ve seen. We go into areas I haven’t visited, and I hadn’t realized what vast sections of the city are still deserted, still in ruins, still fully of collapsed homes and sediment covered yards. Miles and miles of desolation stretch out from the city’s core. Block after block of public housing, still standing but boarded up and shuttered. Someone went to a lot of trouble to board each door and window—I can’t help but wonder why they didn’t spend the same energy to fix the places up and bring people home. Street after street is still empty. Here and there a FEMA trailer sits in a yard, but most are deserted, at least during the week while their owners are elsewhere trying to hold down a job, coming into the city on weekends to work on gutting the house. Vast stretches of strip mall leading out of town are in ruins. And the lower Ninth Ward is a shambles of wrecked homes and cars. Little has changed since we drove through in October, except that now a huge mound of garbage sits on the streets in front of every house still standing: the whole contents of a family’s life mixed with the broken sticks of their structure. Stir with mold and let sit for weeks: a recipe for despair.

2-16-06

Yesterday we spent looking at sites to bioremediate and making our plans. A surreal day.

We all went down to the lower Ninth Ward and together looked at the building that will house women and children. It’s a small, brick, single family home that somehow survived the onslaught of the waters when the levee broke, even while many of its neighbors were washed away. Common Ground teams have gutted it, and sprayed it with EM, the preparation of beneficial microbes that eat mold more effectively—and with less toxicity—than bleach. The yard is covered with thick, cracked sediment, but in some areas weeds, wild geraniums and clovers and others I don’t recognize, poke through the mud. Alongside, someone has carefully laid out what is left of the family’s possessions: a few pieces of unbroken china, some soaked and molding pictures, an antique washbowl edged in green. It’s a small house, but someone lived in it, cared for it, made it nice, carefully arranged these broken china birds and flowers, fed their children off these plates. It reminds me a lot of the modest house my aunt and uncle lived in, with their treasures on the sideboard and their neat hedges bordering the walkway. Or like the apartments and houses I grew up in. It’s reminding me of my mother’s final illness and death, how taking apart her house was like taking apart her identity, her life. I can still walk through that house in my memory, tell you clearly which pottery bowl was on the mantle and which was on the bookcase. A child’s face stares up at me from a molding photo album, a baby of about eighteen months, café-au-lait skin and dark eyes. Someone who loved that child would treasure that picture, but I don’t know what to do to save it.

Down the street the Common Ground center in the lower Ninth sits like a small blue beacon amidst a sea of rubble and sticks. They’ve fixed up one small house to serve as a distribution and welcome center for people coming back. They are providing resources for the community to organize and fight the city’s plans to bulldoze the entire area. The city, in turn, has not removed any of the debris and garbage, for the five months that have now elapsed since the hurricane. They are not making it easy for people to come home.

From the women’s house, a carload of us head down to the neighborhood near the Murphy’s Oil Spill, where 25,000 gallons of crude oil spilled from a tank during the flood. This neighborhood is surreal in a different way. At first, it looks like any optimistic new suburban development, bright new houses a little too big for the empty lots they stand on. But look a little closer, and it resembles a ghost town. The houses are empty, not because they are models waiting for people to move in, but because they are covered with a thick, black, goo. Doors stand open, gutted interiors revealed. Here and there someone has scraped away the caked ooze and revealed bare soil. In one or two yards, FEMA trailers stand, but no one is home.

We drive back, past miles of gutted and abandoned strip malls, the kind of soulless places that are horrible even when they are functioning. In ruin, they achieve a kind of stark beauty, as if some giant conceptual artist had installed them all, a huge, open-air exhibition of the end of the world.

And then somehow we are uptown, winding our way through an enclave of beautiful, huge old homes with green lawns and landscaping, untouched by the flood, or by poverty, or seemingly, by any of the ills and disasters that plague life. Lovely old architecture, gracious, arching trees, quiet streets, and on the avenues, cafes and open stores and lights. Here, you could believe the flood never happened—or if it did, that all is being dealt with efficiently, expertly. Here all is well.

The houses border a golf course and a poor neighborhood of modest homes, where we are headed because some of the highest concentrations of arsenic have been reported from these small lawns. We wonder if it comes from the golf course, from all the weed killers they use on their grass. Here again, no one is home. We see some workers at one house, an older woman just now moving into her FEMA trailor who is too overwhelmed to think about bioremediating her yard. Another man tells us, “It hasn’t killed me yet,” and shrugs us off. We decide that this will be a longer term project, and head back for our meeting.

I once heard Amory Lovins, the designer and architect, speak about how he approaches a project, how important it is to ask the right questions. He was talking about Curitiba, a city in Brazil where they began with the question, “How do we love all the children?”

I don’t know what questions the city government, the state and Federal officials, the huge relief agencies, have asked themselves. But it is clear to me what they have not asked:

“How do we bring all the people home again?”

There are good people in all these systems, but they’re working against the odds. And with all the awesome and amazing work being done, by Common Ground and the other relief workers here, but our efforts are so small, so slight, measured against this oceanic need. 0 comments

Just Friends 

So men and women can't be friends, eh? Or is the insinuation that Cheney must be having an affair (get that picture out of my brain, please) because he's hunting with women just one more sign of rampant sexism? (i.e. women ain't good for nuthin' but...) I've read this affair theory on several blogs and here. Gimme a break. I do as many things with my male friends as I do with my female friends. (By the way, that doesn't include sex. Just being clear.) And even if it were true about Cheney having an affair, who cares? Private life is private life. Shooting someone in the face is not private life. I'm glad Cheney has finally talked about it (even though Brit Hume is a joke and the interview was a joke), but now we can move on to what's happening with the Patriot Act, Global Warming, Iraq, and Chocolate.

By the way, have you heard the UN says Guantanamo Bay must be shut down. Reason: it's torture. 0 comments

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hume & Cheney: "Like Bonnie interviewing Clyde" 

So says Jack Cafferty! Could Brit Hume and all of them kiss behind any better. I read the interview Brit Hume had with Cheney about the hunting accident, and I listened to a bit of it at their website. (Yes, I tried not to wretch when I put in the URL.) Remember, Brit Hume is the man who during 9/11 put the blame exactly where it belonged: He said Satan did it. I'm not kidding. I heard it. That was the last time I ever watched Faux News, until tonight on my computer for about 30 seconds. Anyway, go to MediaMatters.com to get the skinny on how the nets are just believing everything Cheney said tonight and accepting all the explanations. Let's see if any of them do any journalism on this story. Jack Cafferty pointed out that it wasn't exactly a "profile in courage" for Cheney to go over to the "f-word" netword. I like Cafferty. He's the only thing about CNN I miss now that I don't have TV. I don't always agree with him, but I see that as a good thing.

By the way, check out MediaMatters.org's study of Sunday talk shows. They say the study reveals that "conservative voices significantly outnumber progressive voices on the Sunday talk shows." We all knew that but they've got the proof. 0 comments

Cartoon Conversation 

Here's a very interesting conversation about the cartoon controversy. I made myself listen to both sides (not that there are only two sides, but in this case two people spoke). In the end, I agreed with quite a bit of what both said, even though one of the men I've heard before and often don't agree with him. (Can you guess which one?) 0 comments

Monday, February 13, 2006

Who's Next? 

Did you hear about Laura Berg, a nurse in New Mexico who wrote a letter to the editor criticizing the Bush administration's handling of Katrina and their treatment of VA Veterans? Apparently she is being investigated for sedition. Her work computer was seized and examined. Wow. Who's next? 1 comments

Looking Forward... 

I'm so nervous about this surgery that I'm finding it difficult to relax or think about anything else. *sigh* I'm trying to be in the now, baby, but maybe I should think about what I have to look forward to after the surgery is successful.

I'll be able to breathe through my nose again. That's a very good thing.

I'll be able to smell again. This will be such fun! Falls Creek here I come!

I'll be able to taste better. Ooooh! Think of the food I can make. (All right, let's get real: Think of all the food Mario can make for me.) I'll actually be able to taste it.

Maybe the ringing in my ears will subside. Silence would be really golden if it were actually silent.

The chronic dizziness should get better. Yeah!!! If I want the world to spin, I'll have to actually go on a merry-go-round.

My nose won't be so swollen: children on the street won't run screaming from me in horror.

I'm going to survive this, and it'll be fine. Right? Right.

Go for my pre-op with the surgeon and anesthesiologist tomorrow. The next day I go for a pre-op with my family doc. Both great talented women.

Day after New Moon is the surgery. February 28.

Cross your fingers. Or wish me good luck. Wish the surgeon and anesthesiologist steady hands, etc. I'll accept rituals, ceremonies, good wishes, prayers, good thoughts, whatever. Pulease.

I still wish they (the polyps) would just go away before the surgery.

Lots of dreams. Last night in my dream, my family skipped town without me, leaving behind their baggage. In the meantime I picked up their baggage but lost my own. This dream is so symbolic I had to laugh. 4 comments

Boom! 

Today I actually wish I had TV so I could see if the press is going after the White House about Cheney shooting someone. In today's Oregonian they had the story on page 2. Page 2!!!! I called and asked what they were thinking. The person answering the phone said that quite a few people around the newsroom disagreed with the decision to put it on page 2. THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SHOT SOMEONE AND DIDN'T RELEASE THIS INFORMATION TO THE PUBLIC. EVER. Someone else told a day later. If Al Gore had shot someone, even by accident, EVEN NOW, it would be all over the news. And Cheney is such a Gucci hunter, isn't he? They DROVE up to the covey of quails (in a limo no doubt), got out, and shot at the birds. Uh-huh. Why not just roll down the window and shoot? (Around these here parts, that's illegal, but why would that stop Darth Vadar?) When I was a kid I didn't like hunting season. Every year some boy or man got shot and killed. Nasty, nasty business. I still don't like hunting season. When I walk in the woods at this time of year, all I can do is hope some idiot doesn't take me out.

Mario is sitting across from me reading the paper. He just looked up and said, "Oh, he's a lawyer." The guy Cheney shot.

"Yes," I said.

"Well, I don't think lawyers are in season right now."

I laughed. "Did you make that up?"

"Yes," he said.

I'm sure that will be going around the comedy circuit soon. 1 comments

Saturday, February 11, 2006

What She Said 

Windchime Walker talks about what's happening in Iraq and links to Riverbend's blog. She also has some interesting things to say about the cartoon fiasco. She has a more in-depth perspective than I did in my writing. Jane Smiley had a good piece on it too. She talks about the differences between cultures, particularly the North and South of these here states. I agree with her. Absolutely. And I still think they're wrong. I think people killing other people over perceived or direct insults is absurd and obscene. It is the better valor to walk away. Violent crime is going up in this country because people are killing each other over the stupidest things. Being "dissed" is not a reason for violence. Give me a break. Violence is the end of imagination. Just look at what our government is doing. They have no imagination; they are so stuck in their own cultures (see Jane Smiley's essay)that they cannot perceive of another way. But then I'm a writer. Freedom of speech is everything to me. When they start killing and/or imprisoning writers, artists, cartoonists, satirists, it's the end of all of us.

And yes, I'm certain we're not getting the straight skinny on any of this. But I'm still asking: why are thousands of people rioting over a cartoon? Why aren't they rioting over the United States invading Iraq? Over their countrymen starving themselves to death in Guantanamo? 4 comments

Stuff 

Speaking of stuff. I want to get rid of lots of my stuff. I've never wanted a lot of stuff, yet I've got too much. It's the researcher in me: gotta have those books. I wish I could rely on libraries more, but their budgets are being slashed left and right (sounds like a used car commercial), and they often don't have what I need. However, I still want less stuff. So I was thinking of giving it away, but that won't work. Maybe a garage sale, but that would have to wait until spring and even then it's iffy because it rains so much here. Did I mention I don't have a garage? So it would be more rightly called a lawn sale. Mario suggested eBay last night, and then I read Emma's livejournal this morning, and she mentioned this Weird Al song. So appropriate. And as Emma admonishes, listen to the end. (You'll need to click on "play" next to the photo at the top with Weird Al. I'm only telling you this because I was lookin' around for it for the longest time.) 0 comments

Friday, February 10, 2006

Motherhood Postponed 

This is why I never had children. (That and the fact that I didn't relish pushing a bowling ball out of my vagina.)

welcomehome 0 comments

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Stop Rollin' Over for Rover 

Just got this from ActForChange.com, "On Tuesday Congresswoman Heather Wilson, Republican of New Mexico, refused to give in to Karl Rove's intimidation and called for a full congressional inquiry into the Bush administration's warrantless wiretapping program. Because Representative Wilson chairs the House Intelligence Subcommittee with oversight responsibility for the National Security Agency, this call carries special weight." You can go here to ask your rep to go along with her. I've written to her, too, to thank her. It's about time they start standing up to him. 0 comments

Trompe L'oeil 

I love, love, love trompe l'oeil paintings. I've got them in Church of the Old Mermaids (just a mention), and I'd like to figure out how to do more with them, but obviously they are visual media. (Books are a form of mind trompe l'oeil, I suppose, although we'd have to come up with a phrase that meant trick of the mind, or trick of the imagination, rather than trick of the eye.) Look at these amazing (and strange) trompe l'oeil sidewalk paintings from a link I found on Electrolite. 0 comments

Uno Observation 

Picking up trash and finding treasure in it is a bit more problematic where I live than it was in the wash in AZ. Desiccated junk is not as icky as wet trash. One is decidedly slimier. That's all I'm saying. 0 comments

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

"Hustle & Flow" 

Hustle & Flow is a movie I had never heard about until Terrence Howard was nominated for an Oscar. So we rented it tonight. Normally I wouldn't have rented it even then because I'm not really interested in the life of a pimp, even if he is a wannabe rapper. Maybe especially if he is. But it's much better than that description. It's much more subtle. It's not a perfect movie, but the characters are so real. I was pulling for them all the way—and I wish I had written these characters. (Although truth to tell, I wouldn't want any of them as neighbors or friends. What can I say? I'm just too old for some shit.) I highly recommend this movie. Terrence Howard was also in my favorite movie of the year, Crash. If you get a chance to see Crash on the big screen, do it. If you can't, watch it without distraction. It's worth it. 0 comments

Counting Heads 

According to published reports, Rove is counting heads and taking names. If any Republicans oppose the Bushie on domestic spying, they won't get money or any other help with campaigns. Wow. This really lays it out, doesn't it: nothing is as important as politics to this administration. I watched the hearings yesterday. I thought Attorney General "Torture" Gonzales was arrogant and non-cooperative. Part of the duty of the Senators is presidential oversight, yet Gonzales wouldn't tell them anything about electronic surveillance, except to say, "You can trust us." This from the torture attorney general. Yeah, well, maybe not. The Democrats have fallen down on the job here, however. When they were briefed by the Bushie about this program, they should have figured out a way to tell the American people. Yes, I know they were sworn to secrecy, but even if you're sworn to secrecy and you find out the prez is violating the law, you need to tell someone. I generally admire Arlen Specter even though I don't always agree with him. I've thought, at least lately, that he has the interest of the country at heart. But then I wonder, why didn't he have Gonzales sworn in before he testified? 6 comments

Saturday, February 04, 2006

U.S. Sides With Iran in Anti-Gay Vote 

Why isn't this everywhere? Or am I just out of it? I haven't heard this on NPR, haven't seen this in the NYTimes, etc. Once again this administration shows that it hates pretty much everyone except rich white people. What am I talking about? "On Monday the United States backed an Iranian initiative to deny United Nations consultative status to organizations working to protect the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people." Isn't that special. So the United States won't allow any money given to NGOs that talk about birth control or abortion and now this. Isn't it great that we live in a country whose officials are actively working to suppress the rights of people worldwide instead of working to protect them. It's really sad. And outrageous. 2 comments

Friday, February 03, 2006

Cartoon, Smartoon 

Or something like that. Come on, people. To paraphrase Emma Goldman, if I can't laugh, it's not my religion!

According to the newsies, Muslims across the planet are demonstrating because of a cartoon in a Danish newspaper. This is what I gots to say about that: people, people, people, let's just settle right down. I will defend your right to your religion, I will defend your right to your culture. I will protest war. I will protest torture. I will protest unlawful detention. I will protest bigotry. But I draw the line with humor. Humor and literature. So what if it's offensive? Good grief. Do you know how many things I find offensive about our culture and your culture and their culture? Let me count the offenses. No, let's not. We ain't got all night. (For instance, I find it very offensive to see a woman walking behind a man and covered in cloth so completely that you can only see her eyes.) This thing about being disrespected is perplexing to me. Why aren't Muslims worldwide out demonstrating against the war in Iraq? Why aren't they demonstrating about the men in detention in Gitmo? (Or maybe they are and we just never hear about it.) But this cartoon thing is bizarre. Let's get some perspective.

The West is supposed to respect the traditions of the East. Well, that goes both ways, buds. We have a tradition against censorship. Editorial cartoons are part of our tradition. (The letter from the Joint Chiefs of Staff notwithstanding. Apparently they don't understand satire or irony or freedom of speech—which they were exercising by sending the letter.)

If you don't like the cartoons in a newspaper, don't buy the newspaper. If you don't like what a book says, close the book. You don't put a hit out on the author a la Rushdie.

Crazy world. We've got so many big things goin' on in this little ole world. Quit the sturm und dang about nuthin'.

That's all I'm saying. 0 comments

Practice 

I've just come from the library. Doing work but not the work I need to be doing. Stalling. The house is just one big clutter room. I want less stuff. We don't have a lot of stuff and still I want less. (No Universe, I don't want a fire or flood or anything catastrophic; I will just give away some of our stuff.) Even the bowls. I'm ready to part with some bowls and with dishes. I bought more dishes in Mexico. What was I thinking? Must be some psychological thing about getting nourishment. Or wishing I was a dish. Or a bowl.

I kid the spinners.

Saw Linda Wednesday, did I say? She looks good. She's got some edema, but she's getting around much better. I'm going over there this afternoon. Everything else can just wait.

I went to the library after Mario's break to take care of some business. While on the phone, I got too hot (hot flashes or overdressed), so I took off my jacket. It was then I realized I still had on my pajama top. Now to be accurate—don't want to have Oprah after me—I don't wear pajamas to bed, but in the morning I put on pajamas or what they (whoever they are) call loungewear. So at the library I took off my jacket and there I was in my loungewear, just the top. My slacks were "real" slacks. I just had to laugh. Practicing being a bag lady, I suppose.

Need to make lunch. I have to say (again) that having Mario cook three meals a day for a month was really a joy. Who wouldn't like that? If ever I make enough money, I'm going to hire a cook. I'll pay her a good wage. Give her a place to live. (Have you read the book The Cook by Harry Kressing yet? Superb! And hard to find.)

This post is called stalling. I gots work to do.

Ta! 0 comments

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Rain 

Did I say it is raining here? That is a freaking understatement. Rivers are flooded. Houses are sliding away. I can't see anything but water and fog and clouds. I really don't want to complain. I'm not going to complain. I'm just saying I am in such a funk. I'm trying to shake myself out of it. Can't be this way before surgery. Or after. Need to get my mind and body right.

Someone measured how much rain we got in our town during January. 22 inches. That's a lot of water in one month. Records are falling all over.

OK. That's it. I'll try not to talk about it any more.

Bleck. Bleck. Bleck.

I need to just curl up and read a book. But I've got too much work to do. Quit talking about it and just do it, eh? 2 comments

No One Died When He Lied.... 

As far as I know no one died because Jonathan Frey lied. I was arguing for days with various people about Jonathan Frey, before Oprah got mad at him. I said writing a memoir does not give you permission to lie. You might be mistaken, you might have your own take on what happened to you, you might change details and names to protect other people, but you do not lie to make yourself sound better, sound worse, or to make more money. In any case, when I saw how upset Oprah was with him and I heard her say that the truth matters (via the computer—I don't have TV), I kept thinking, "You know, George Bush lied to the entire country, to the world. This entire administration did. Shouldn't you be mad at him for lying to you, as opposed to Jonathan Frey, who just wrote a book? Shouldn't everyone be a bit more upset about those really really really big lies?" Geez.

I'm just saying. Let's have some perspective. 2 comments

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Home 

It is the flood, I'm certain of it. It was storming last night and raining so hard it woke us up three times. Let's just contemplate that. We live in the PNW. As they say, rain is our liquid sunshine. (As we drove into Portland last night, Mario said, "Ahhh, Portland in its natural state.) We stopped in Portland to eat (Bombay Cricket Club) and shop at the co-op, then we drove home. I think truck drivers should be required to do SOMETHING about the water that sprays off their trucks when it rains. It's quite dangerous. In fact, the last hour of our trip was the harriest. When we got to our town, the rain was washing away the snow that had accumulated earlier in the day. We unloaded our car, slogging through the slush and rain. We were drenched, absolutely wet rat soaked.

Now it's morning. I will confess I feel a bit groggy, swollen, lethargic. Where I am should not matter to my state of being. But I'm missing the desert. That feels greedy. So I will let it pass. I just need to settle into the boots of home. Get the house cleaned. Listen to the birds here—although I think they're all too waterlogged. Go see Linda. She sounds great. (I called her regularly while we were gone, of course.) She says she's gained back all the weight she lost when she was...dying.

I'm looking out the windows at the spots of snow left on the gorge. Breathe deep the gathering gloom...

No, no! Just kidding.

Did you hear about Cindy Sheehan being dragged from the State of the Union? They didn't like the t-shirt she was wearing. Very sad. The wife of a rep was asked to leave too. She had on a t-shirt that said "Support Our Troops." I'm telling you this country is becoming more and more fascist. Have you looked at the fourteen characteristics of fascism lately? Here they are in a nutshell (what a great figure of speech): Powerful and Continuing Nationalism, Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights, Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause, Supremacy of the Military, Rampant Sexism, Controlled Mass Media, Obsession with National Security, Religion and Government are Intertwined, Corporate Power is Protected, Labor Power is Suppressed, Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts, Obsession with Crime and Punishment, Rampant Cronyism and Corruption, Fraudulent Elections. Wow.

Is there any doubt?

Very sad.

OK. I need to get up and going. Make my own sunshine. Work on the Church of the Old Mermaids. That'll do the trick. They are the opposite of fascists. I bet Sister Sheila Na Giggles Mermaid would have a lewd joke to go with this situation. I'll have to ask her later. (Don't worry. I'm not channeling. I'm just expressing the liveliness of my characters.) Or maybe I should hang out with Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid. She would have something profound to say about the state of the world. Or maybe Sister Ruby Rosarita Mermaid. She'd tell me to go eat my vegetables. Or eat something. That is good advice.

May You Eat in Beauty! 1 comments

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