The Furious Spinner

Well, we got socked with an ice storm last night. We knew it was coming and we were all hoping it wouldn't be too bad. This is one reason why Mario and I go to Arizona in January. These ice storms are miserable. The roads are too dangerous to walk or drive on, and we often lose electricity. Not fun. Fortunately this time the lights (and heat) stayed on. So exciting!

I had two appointments in town today, so I headed off for Portland as soon as they opened up the expressway. (Yes, they closed it because of ice.) Just as I was leaving town, I got a phone call from my agent. I pulled off to the side of the road and answered it. Not many people have my cell phone number, so if I get a call, I figure I will answer it.

It wasn't good news. I can't tell you all the details because my agent would rather I didn't. The publishing world is a small world and you don't want to offend anyone. I will say I was so angry and upset (not with him) that I told him I couldn't talk because I was too upset and I was just going to start crying.

So even though I won't tell you the details imagine a year's salary going away. You thought you'd have this salary, and then suddenly it is gone. You did the work, but you don't get paid. It's nobody's fault; no one is doing anything evil or wrong or even inconsiderate. It's just the way it is.

Imagine that this has happened to you three times all together. Imagine in addition to losing a year's salary that another of your books is going to be orphaned once again. Imagine that nearly every single book you've ever actually gotten published has gotten orphaned one way or another: an editor leaves to take a job somewhere else (twice) or an editor disappears (twice) or an editor is gone for an extended period of time which just happens to be the crucial time for your novel.

I don't want to hear that I'm doing what I love so I should stop complaining. I will complain. I will vent. And then I will move on. I believe it is good and fine to be able to make a living doing something you love. Making a living is an important thing. It's how we pay for groceries and our rent and the like.

I will also say this: If you want to be in control, don't ever become a writer who wants to be published. Ah hell, I just tried to think of jobs and careers where you are in control, and I couldn't. We are never in control.

I'm hearing Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid whisper in my ear, "Things change. Get over it."

(Mario just said, "Oh sure, she lost the Old Sea, but I bet she never had a book deal fall through." He makes me laugh.)

I drove to Portland after I told my agent I couldn't talk. But I couldn't cry because I was driving, and I didn't want to crash and burn. That would have been such a buzzkill on top of everything else.

When I got to the house of my craniosacral therapist, she told me I needed to cry about it. I said, "With all that's going on in the world, I can't cry about this." She said, "That's a rationalization. It's still something that happened to you." I said, "Yeah. It's like losing a year's pay." Later I said, "And these books feel like kids in a way. It's my duty to get them out into the world. If I don't, then I've failed."

Okay. I've vented. The Old Mermaids will lead me in other directions. They wouldn't say, "It'll be all right. But they would say, "It'll be, it'll be, it'll be."

Blessed sea!

By the way, I still love my agent (always; he's my sweetie), my editor, and my publisher. None of them read my blogs, so I'm not kissing up. Just the facts, mahn.

And if you've figured out what the hell I'm talking about here, you are a better woman than I. Mario is making me sushi, and we'll watch a stupid movie together after. Ain't life grand?

May You Kvetch in Beauty!

P.S. This isn't about COTOM, by the way. It's another project. 2 comments

2 Comments:

Oh Kim! I feel so bad for you! I just want to give you a big hug and then go stomp on the foot of whomever made this disappointing decision! I agree with you though, the mermaids would just say "It'll be..." and it will. The door seems to have been shut in your face, so now you have to keep an eye out for that window that's about to open!
Take care and know that you are loved and much appreciated!
Bear Hugs & fairy kisses!
Michele

By Michele Bergeron, at 9:23 AM  

Oh, Kim, I'm sorry. That just sucks, and provokes all sorts of stress and worry. Sending a virtual bowl of soup.

I hope the book finds another path into reader's hands.

By Anonymous, at 9:38 AM  

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