The Furious Spinner

Late at night. Can't sleep again. I remember once when I was complaining about not sleeping someone said, "oh, just go with it; no big deal." This is fine advice if you don't have a job and/or you don't have any responsibilities to speak of. Not so good if you do. Don't you agree?

I went to the workshop in Portland. It was hot and I was having dragon-sized hot flashes and sweats. Plus lots of things were going on with Linda, so it was difficult to concentrate. On the second night in Portland—after I couldn't sleep again—I got up, wrote Mario a note, left the hotel, and drove home. It was so great to get into the car and just go. Middle of the night. Cruising down the Gorge, half moon out my left window. I could breathe again. The chatter in my head didn't stop, but at least I was moving. I thought about going to Linda's and seeing if she and Serena were all right. I hadn't slept in so long that the scenario seemed to make sense.

Once I got home I stepped out of the car and breathed deeply. Felt so much better. Went inside the house, lay down on the couch, pulled the quilt my dad had made me up over me, and fell to sleep almost immediately. I woke up an hour later, at 3:00 a.m. That amount of sleep was enough to restore me to sanity. I realized I had left my husband sleeping in a hotel in Portland: and he didn't know it. I got into the car and drove back to Portand. Which is beautiful at 4:00 a.m. Fortunately I found a parking spot near the hotel. I went back into the hotel and into our room. Got into bed. Mario said sleepily, "Did you go down to the lobby?" "No," I said, "I drove home. I've been gone for three hours." He had no idea.

He went right back to sleep. I was wide awake.

I didn't go back to the conference. We went home a few hours later.

The rest of what's been going on I won't bore you with. (What a sentence, eh.) It has been an extremely intense and stressful week. So many people have an opinion about how Linda should die. It's excruciating. Why can't people honor and respect the wishes of others? So many people are so certain they know what is right for other people. It amazes me. I'm rarely certain what is right for me let alone what's right for someone else. Is it relaxing to always "know" you're right, or really stressful?

Does this make sense? Too vague. My mind is a bit fried. Now I'll try to sleep again.

I wish my friend peace.

Sweet dreams all.

Labels: Linda, sleep

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