The Furious Spinner

...and A Girl Named Whiny and Tired.

I took a bath. Nearly fell asleep in the bathtub while reading Animals in Translation. As I was sleepily stumbling into bed and Mario was covering me up (since he was awake and beginning his day), I asked, "Is designing humane ways to slaughter animals the same as say designing so-called humane ways to kill people." (The author designs "humane" slaughterhouses.) Mario said it is manifestly different. How? Because they're not people. I closed my eyes. "But it's so creepy." "Yes, it is very creepy." He left and I heard rainddrops on the roof. I was out of bed and downstairs in a jiffy, outside nearly naked on our front porch for all the world to see with my arms spread wide and my face uplifted to this rain which wasn't much more than cloud sweat. Still. It was nice.

But I'm very cranky. And sick to my stomach. And tired. Too many crises yesterday.

I had a funny dream. Not last night. Last night I didn't sleep. But the night before. (And yes, with all that's going on in the world, I'm writing about my dreams. That's the way it is.)

I was trying to get home in the dream, but it was dark and the ground was squishy and watery and I could see if I went much further I'd fall into the water. So I turned back. Just then a man appeared. "Oh," I said, "I asked the Universe for help and you appeared. I asked for someone who was not a psychopath. Are you a psychopath?" I don't think he answered but he offered to take me to Lenore's house. I pretended to know who Lenore was and went with him. A dog named Joe came with us. He was black and white. A mutt. Even in the dream I thought it was funny his name was Joe. It was daytime and sunny and snow was everywhere. I saw a white bear. I was glad we were going inside so the bear wouldn't see us. But the bear found us once we were inside the flimsy house, and I could hear him snuffling outside the door. I looked for a place to hide inside the house. I knew the bear would tear the place apart. I decided if I ever built a house it would be made from stainless steel so that the bear couldn't get in. I don't remember what else. But it's interesting the bear has returned to my dreams. (I understand it is probably only interesting to me.) Last week I dreamed of a white cat. I am being visited by white animals.

Did I mention that the hummingbirds (or bird) come to the feeder when I am outside? Mario will sit on the back porch and often no hummingbirds will come. I go outside and say, "I'm here. Come on down." Almost instantly one will appear. I mean literally an instant. One day I was back there by myself and a hummingbird flew right up to me, about a foot away. It was the most extraordinary thing. I wondered if, like the bees, the hummingbird was mistaking me for a flower.

Well, as Bobby said on King of the Hill, "This flower is wilting."

I'm going to eat, throw up, or sleep. Or all of the beside.

Labels: dreams, sleep

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