The Furious Spinner

I'm about to go back to bed, maybe sleep. I am so exhausted. The four weeks of running on pure energy with little sleep has finally caught up with me, as you know. I still haven't kicked the sore throat and other stuff completely, but I think I'm on the mend. Knock wood. I know I owe some of you letters, so I apologize. I just need to set a spell.

This is an awful pattern I have. I'll feel better for a bit, and I'll just go crazy doing stuff. But this time I thought it was different. I felt soooo good. Imagine having a really bad cold for thirteen years. Just think back to your last really bad cold. What if it hadn't gone away? And imagine off and on during that thirteen year cold that you had bouts of the flu that went on for weeks. Then imagine you did some things, including having two operations, and your thirteen year old cold went away. Oh man! The idea of relaxing and taking it easy is the furthest thing from your mind. And even when you recognize that it would be a good thing to relax and not work so hard, your body won't let you. And you feel like you're watching trains the moments before they crash into each other, and even though you know a train wreck is inevitable, and that the train wreck is you, you hang on for dear life and hope that this time, this time, it'll be different.

But it wasn't. Isn't.

I hope I bounce back soon.

After an intense morning yesterday, I went with my friend Pat to the farmer's market in Hood River. They still only have a few booths, but I bought crimini mushrooms, snap peas, basil, and carrots, all picked within hours (or at the most the day before)—and all from the Columbia River Gorge where I live.

We went up to the lavender fields to record the bees afterward. My recorder didn't work. I had checked it when I put the fully charged batteries in a couple of days earlier. Had I forgotten to ask the bees again? Still, it was grand being there between the two mountains with my friend. I was such a buzz kill, though. She mentioned how beautiful the area was. I said, "They spray the shit out of everything." "Yes, but it is beautiful." "Yes, but it's not a healthy place to live." Poor thing! Next time I will just nod and say, "Yes, it is beautiful." (You wanna lay odds that I'm capable of doing that?)

Home again. I walked over to the school where Mario was pulling weeds. We came home. He did the lawn with our electric mower. I sat and ate most of the snap peas. Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Josephine, they were sooo good. Then I cut up and sauteed the mushrooms in olive oil. I added a bunch of the fresh basil. (I could smell the 'shrooms a bit.) I poured a jar of the spaghetti sauce we'd made a couple of days ago over the mushrooms and basil and cooked that for a while. Boiled the pasta. Cut up the carrots. (Well, Mario cut up the carrots.) The meal was wonderful tasting.

Later Serena came over. She studied, then sat with us in the kitchen while Mario did the dishes. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to spend time with her. We talked and looked at teaware on the Tao of Tea site. The spaghetti was all gone, so Mario made her a sandwich with organic turkey slices, spinach leaves, and avocado on my whole rye bread. She drank green tea and ate her sandwich. After Mario went to bed, we talked a bit. (I won't be writing about what we talked about or anything that would violate her privacy at all. I want her to feel as comfortable as possible in our home. She already has a great deal on her plate.)

After she left, I tried to sleep, but I was coughing too much. Got up and put on the Libertine, with Johnny Deep and John Malkovich. Talk about your unsympathetic character. Still, it put me to sleep. I had vivid, powerful, wonderful dreams.

I was feeling a bit better this morning. I decided to go up and try to record the bees again. But I couldn't find my keys. I scoured the house. Frustrated, I sat down and said, "My keys. I've lost my keys. I get it. I need to stay home. I need to rest. I need to stop running around. Is that it? Okay. I'll stay home. I'll rest. I won't be on the computer all day. Can I have my keys now?"

I got up and went to the chair where I often drop my keys to check for about the tenth time. I put my hand on the back of the chair for support as I leaned over and there under my hand were my keys.

I get it.

I'm going to try to sleep. I've loved all the comments on FS lately, by the way. I promise to respond more later.

May the love and affection of the moon and stars be upon you.
May the love and affection of the sun be upon you.
May the love and affection of the wild flowers be upon you.
May the love and affection of the bees be upon you.
May the love and affection of the Sidhe be upon you.
May you be blest.
I bless you.
You are blest.

Blessed beeee.

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