The Furious Spinner

I'm sitting in my darkened house working on my library order. It's about 4:00 p.m. Outside the world pulses with heat and haze. It is August in May. Is this what they mean when they say the world will end with a whimper, not a bang? My friend just called to tell me she'd be in town with my goddesschild to watch her son play baseball. I don't think they should be outside playing b-ball in ninety-plus degrees. We'll see if we'll saunter over later. Mario is sleeping. Neither of us slept well last night in our hot stuffy house.

On Sunday morning we walked the falls. We went early enough that we were almost the only ones there. We counted 68 deer's head orchids, down from 230. Today we walked up the Mountain. I took an offering of salmon to thank the Being of the Mountain. I couldn't walk all the way up. It got too hot too early and I got dizzy. Can't walk up a mountain when you've got vertigo. We saw a frog. And two deer's head orchids, down from 160, I believe.

I've been in a panic over my book. They printed 25,000 copies. How are twenty-five thousand people going to find Mercy, Unbound? Her story deserves 25,000 readers plus, but what if it falls into the abyss like Coyote Cowgirl did? Then my career will be over. I'll never get another book published. My family will starve. Blah, blah, blah, screaming panicked blah! I told you I hate this part of it. At this stage it's all up to my publisher and the buying public. One of my close friends called and asked what she could do to help because she really liked the book. I said, "You don't know enough people. I don't know enough people. If you like the book, tell people about it. Make sure your library has it, your local bookstore. Otherwise, it's a crap shoot." With my other books I sent out postcards and bookmarks. I called the local press, etc. I haven't done any of that with this book for the simple reason that it did no good before and I spent thousands of dollars (making the postcards and bookmarks, etc.) that could have been put to better use.

Breathe deeply. As Myla Alvarez says in Church of the Old Mermaids, "Things don’t always turn out all right, but they always turn out.”

Well, Linda just called. She's in excrutiating pain. Kind of puts things in perspective, eh? I'll go out there and make her some dinner. Maybe put my hands on her. It seems to help. When I was at the farm on Mom's Day I did some powwowing on her (or putting my hands on her as they say). She's always liked it. She felt better for a few hours. I said to Mario, "I don't see how that does her any good if it only lasts a few hours. I feel like a failure." He said, "When someone takes an aspirin it only lasts for a few hours, but those are painfree hours and that's worth something." That made me look at it in a different way. I have found—although I still fight this—that healing is often not what we think it will be. But then life is kind of like that too.

May You Touch in Beauty! 5 comments

5 Comments:

Kim,
I'm not usually one to comment but I was struck by your comment that Coyote Cowgirl fell into the abyss. I saw you read from it at Powell's with Charles DeLint and bought the book and it has now fallen into the category of One of My Favorite Books. Everyone I have recommended it to has also loved it. I know it doesn't change the financial success/failure of a book, but I also know that it's nice to hear when people love what you do. I can't wait to read Mercy.
Many blessings
Maggie

By  Maggie, at 9:35 AM  

Thank you, Maggie! Yes, yes, yes, it helps to know that. You made my day, my week, my month. I write because I like to tell stories: not to myself but other people. Unfortunately if my books don't sell then publishers won't buy my next book. That's what happened with CC. Because it didn't sell, the publisher dropped me. So even though I didn't start writing to get rich and famous, if my books don't sell, then I don't get to tell my stories to an audience. So it's so good to know when someone likes my work.

Blessings right back atcha!

Kim

By  Kim Antieau, at 9:47 AM  

My college roommate gave me Coyote Cowgirl last spring, and I loved it. I passed it on to another friend, and she did, too. Although I am not usually a fan of fantasy in any way, this changed my mind.


(Pam's friend,Laura, visiting Pam)

By  Anonymous, at 9:59 PM  

Kim, am doing my bit for Mercy, have already ordered it and am waiting anxiously for it to arrive. Coyote Cowgirl is one of my favourite books ever, and my hardcover is becoming rather tattered.

By  kerrdelune, at 7:45 AM  

Thanks Laura and Kerrdelune. I appreciate it. Hope I wasn't sounding whiny. Trying to be realistic! I certainly enjoy hearing that people like my stories. :-)

By  Kim Antieau, at 6:36 PM  

Post a Comment

All photographs and written material copyright © 2003-2008 by Kim Antieau unless otherwise indicated. May not be used without permission.