The Furious Spinner

"If we surrendered/to Earth's intelligence/we could rise up rooted, like trees." —Rainer Maria Rilke


Yesterday a crow led me to a tiny piece of broken glass. Or maybe I followed her and found treasure. As I stood under the one huge old oak tree where the crow had been, I looked around and saw empty walnut shells, some actually on the old retaining wall—one up, one down, as though I had interrupted some kind of crow shell game. This was where the crows brought the walnuts, but from where? I looked around. The closest walnut tree I know is a few blocks away.

Later a hairy spider walked across my window sill. She made her way up the rattle that has been sitting there for who knows how long. She stayed perched there for a moment on the sunface of the rattle. It's all connected. I'm a bit rattled. When she moved off it, I picked up the rattle and shook it. Maybe the spider wanted a little music.

Woke up at dawn to the sound of rain. It was so loud, yet soothing. I felt like it was washing away my fear, my disease. I felt completely at home, protected, connected. Home. Fell back to sleep.

Dreamed of Bear, outside my door, white, waiting. I was afraid if I let him in he'd spoil the party with mayhem. Death and destruction. That kind of thing. Instead some man brought his two dogs. I fussed and fumed and tried to get him to take them away. When I awakened I was pleased Bear had returned to my dreams. I wondered why I dream of dogs so much—more than any other animal. And I'm always annoyed by them.

Why two? Both times I've been bitten by dogs, there were two of them. This morning, I looked "dog" up in animal guide books. They represent protection in many cultures. I'm always asking the Cosmos for help. Maybe the Universe keeps sending help and I keep turning it away, like the dogs in my dreams. They frighten me in my dreams because I think they represent death. Or at least irritation. I kept reading: Dog was the symbol of the Goddess Gula, the physician healer. A Celtic healer god took on the form of a dog. And let us not forget the Bitch Goddess Diana who was always accompanied by dogs. Maybe I should reassess the mythic possibilities of dogs.

As I wandered down to the kitchen for breakfast, I wondered why there are nearly always two dogs in my dreams. Then I noticed the picture we brought home from Dave's wake. Two black dogs side by side. I forgot the title. Something like "Bob Contemplates Starting Another Relationship." I smiled. Everything suddenly felt connected. I sat down and ate the soup Mario had made me while I slept this morning. When I was finished my Bipolar Bear told me to eat some protein. So I did.

Now it's time to go out and greet the day. I'm certain to find treasure. The Old Mermaids would be pleased.

(Thanks to Tom Cowan for the reminder of the Rainer Maria Rilke quote.) 0 comments

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All photographs and written material copyright © 2003-2008 by Kim Antieau unless otherwise indicated. May not be used without permission.