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In times of old, The Furies protected Mother Right. If a mother (or any woman) was harmed, The Furies swooped down and took their vengeance. They were one of the last vestiges of a world that existed before the patriarchy. When we feel righteous anger, it is The Furies who are calling out to us to make what is wrong right again.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Hallows

Last night it rained so hard the sound of rain on our roof kept waking me. Shaking, I'd try to go back to sleep. Funny thing about fear—it makes you cold. Funny thing about hot flashes—they make you hot and then cold. Sometimes it seems that life is all about learning to let go. I admire people who are able to do that. I try. I try. I try. We kept hearing the sound of water dripping, a deep, drum-like sound. It was late and we were in bed and figured it came from outside. So we let the water drum provide the music for our sleep. We don't think we've seen rain like this in years. And we live in the Pacific Northwest.
Finally waken and try not to worry. My mind gets an idea and then says, "What if, what if, what if?" The mind of a storyteller. I call Bear to help me. Wolves follow. Guardians? Guides? Mario and I drive to the place where I'll get a CAT scan. The receptionists are children. When did everyone get so young? I think positively. If all goes well—when all goes well—I'll be able to breathe through my nose again; my face won't be so distorted; maybe I'll be calm again. Isn't that kind of like will I be able to play the piano after the operation, doc? Sure! Wow. I couldn't play it before. Badda bing. I finally step out of my nervousness and look around. I think I can tell who is afraid and who isn't. They do so many tests nowadays. How does one step out of the cycle of going to doctor after doctor for test after test? I did it. For almost decade. Probably too long.
I say a prayer to the Goddess of Radiation. Soon after a woman calls my name. I walk with her. Say Happy Halloween. A door opens and there it is. It reminds me of a small Stargate. You know, from the TV show. A circle. An oracle. Place your body here, child. And I will see into your soul. Or at least the soul of your sinuses, darling. The technician is wearing an orange t-shirt with a pumpkin on it underneath her open lab coat. I ask her if I need anything to protect my girls. No, the x-rays won't be near anything but my head. She asks me if I've done this before and I say yes. I lay down on my stomach, chin on a soft-hard piece of something. I look straight ahead at some boxes. I think they should put a pretty picture there for patients to look at. I have to leave my arms at my sides. "Like I'm flying," I say. "Yep, sure," she says. "Hey, I'm superwoman," I say. "Wonderwoman." "It'll take about five minutes. The table will move and that's about it." She leaves. After a few moments or a minute, the machine comes on. It sounds like waves on the shore. White noise. Not altogether unpleasant. I close my eyes and chant, "Om tare, tutare, ture soha."
Then it's over. Mario and I leave. It is raining. I can see cats and dogs spilling out of the clouds. I wave. It's the cat's meow. We shop. Winter squash calls to me. Then we're at acupuncturist's. I'm feeling very good. Then she starts talking about all the things I can do before the operation. "Take this, that, and the other. And arnica. Don't forget arnica. Because you'll swell. And you'll want arnica. And they'll want you to take antibiotics and that's a good thing because they will have really cut you up but you'll have to take something to help with that. Yes, there's all kinds of things you can do before and after the operation." Something shifts in my body. She puts in the needles and leaves. My head starts hurting. Mario comes in to read to me and I'm not sure I can understand what he's saying. You know, comprehend the sense. Adrenalin shoots through my body. I'm terrified. It takes everything in my being not to SCREAM, jump off the bed, and run away. EVERYTHING. Mario comes and strokes my forehead. My mouth is so dry. Finally she comes and takes out the needles and we drive home.
As we drive up to our house, the children begin arriving. I hurry into the house and put on my witch's hat and offer them candy. To sweeten their new year. Blessings, blessings, blessings. I love their costumes. I love them. I love Halloween. Strangers going to the houses of strangers and getting presents. Sweets. I love it. When the last bit of candy is gone, we turn the "in" on the "Witch Is In" sign around. Then we turn out the light.
Happy Halloween, all.
Thank you to my ancestors and all those creatures—humans and otherwise—who got me through my day. Blessed be!

After the Dumb Supper 0 comments
Sunday at Catherine Creek
(I'm trying the photos from this walk as a slideshow on Flicker. Let me know if it doesn't work!) 1 comments
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Another View of Fitz
He says Fitz fumbled. I figured Rove just squirmed out of trouble as usual—he's been "playing" dirty tricks on the Dems since Watergate days and getting away with it. But maybe Drobny is right. Although I believe everyone deserves a good lawyer I don't believe lawyers should get guilty people off, and Rove's attorney is a liberal lawyer. I don't think he should have kept the smug little dropping out of jail; that's a betrayal of ethics, isn't it? 1 comments
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Happy Hallows (Updated)
Think about taking an offering out to the crossroads—whichever crossroads you chose—a gift for Hecate. Speak your heart's desire. Who knows what will happen? Magic is afoot.
May you dance under the moon in beauty!
Blessed be!
From the Gathering:
My friend Betty (under the clock) sits next to Linda telling us tales.

My living room and my friends: Claudia, Barbara, Mara, Sheila (as a white-faced witch), Joelle (as Green Tara), Barb (as goddess)

More goddesses, fairies, and witches

Me, dancing in the kitchen, before tights and jacket

My friend Claudia said her wish for the year was to be able to laugh again. The whole group tried to get her to laugh, but she couldn't. I stood up and said, "Have you heard the story of Demeter? She was in mourning over the loss of her daughter Persephone. The whole world withered as the goddess Demeter sat in grief. Then Baubo came to serve her. She saw how sad the goddess was. So we walked up to her and—" At that point I walked over to Claudia and lifted up my dress (just as Baubo did to Demeter). Everyone laughed, including Claudia. Baubo strikes again!
The following are photographs of drawings, so they aren't perfecto, but I found them today and thought they were appropriate for this time of the year. I drew and colored them about five years ago one night when I was up until dawn.
Elemental Witches
Medium: crayon




Coyote Cowgirl Spurred on By Flowers
Medium: pencil
0 comments
Friday, October 28, 2005
Good Guy
Thank you for your work on our behalf, Mr. Fitzgerald. I appreciate it. 1 comments
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Juvie
Lucy (not her real name; she invited me to speak to the students in detention) drove us to juvenile detention which was right downtown (not my town). It was a kind of nondescript government building. Not very noticeable. Lucy pressed a buzzer (although I didn't hear it buzz) at the door. I heard a mumble through the speaker—like at a fast food drive-up—and Lucy said her name. Then she pushed the door open. We went down a short hallway past a darkened room. Inside two people in uniform sat at a console, a man and a woman. Lucy said something to me or them, and we kept walking. Got buzzed in through another door. And another. And another. Four doors all together, I think.
Then we walked down a long sloping hallway. I wanted to be very observant, take it all in, but I was listening to Lucy tell me about the place and the children, and I was fascinated. The juveniles within had committed various crimes: theft, assault, drugs, molestation, and murder She told me one or two boys might be in the classroom today. Sometimes it was overflow, sometimes the boys who had molested other boys were put in with the girls for the their own protection. Apparently since they molested other boys, they weren't considered a threat to the girls.
We walk into the "pod," where the girls lived. It reminded me of the cell block area in the cable series Oz, except smaller. Cells around an open area. (On one door, someone had taped that series of photos of a meth addict you see at nearly every police station: first she was beautiful, then ugly, then uglier, then pitted and old and even uglier. It’s the best anti-drug ad I’ve ever seen, although I don’t know if it does any good. Meth is a problem everywhere in the PNW.) An open staircase led up to the second floor of cells. Three picnic tables (of a sort) in the middle of the room on the bottom floor, each with a checker/chess board as part of it on one end.
At the end of the pod, we went through a door into a classroom that looked like any other classroom, only the students were dressed in institutional garb: the girls in dark blue, the boys in gold. Four boys sat in the desks along the farthest wall, across from the door. Girls sat in the other three rows of chairs. The teacher and Lucy talked a bit. I stood at the door looking around, a little nervous. Fourteen students. One Black, one Asian, the rest appeared to be Anglo. Four boys; ten girls. Ages: between 10 and 17? Most of them were probably 15 and 16. One girl was so small and looked so young it almost hurt to look at her, to imagine why she was here.
Lucy introduced me, and I began with, "I'm not as old as I look. I got gray hair when I was a teenager.” They seemed amused by this.
I asked how many of them had read Mercy, Unbound. One girl raised her hand and said she was in the process of reading it. The other girls who had read it were gone for various reasons. So I started talking about writing and why I wrote instead of having a discussion about Mercy, which I had planned. They seemed alert, listening, responsive. One or two looked very tired. I asked if anyone had questions, but no one asked anything except Lucy and the teacher. They wanted to know how much I made on one book and how I actually got a book published. I told them how much I was paid, and I said that actually getting a book published was generally a long hideous process. I should have been more specific, but talking about that part of writing is really boring to me, so I steered the conversation toward other topics. I read a bit of Mercy outloud. (I picked the wrong section, and it didn’t work that well). Then one of the students asked me how to get started writing. She liked to write but she had trouble getting started.
"My husband writes an entire story in one hundred words, each day," I said. "That's a good way to start. Look at other books and see how they start. I started Mercy with ‘Call me Mercy.’ I got that from Herman Melville's book Moby Dick. It starts out "Call me Ishmael.' David Copperfield begins with 'I was born.' My book The Jigsaw Woman begins with ‘I was born.’ But I put a twist on it. 'I was born. In a crossfire of hurricanes. Or something.’ Do you know what part of that is from?" They shook their heads. "Heard of the Rolling Stones?" I began singing, "I was born in a cross fire of hurricanes." They laughed. "In fact, let's do that now. We'll write a hundred word story. Let's start with 'I was born.' What's next?"
This got the students going. I encouraged them to call out lines.
Here are snippets of how it went. At one point I read, "I was born in Brooklyn, New York, the third child of 24 children. My mother was very tired. She had wrinkles and seizures. On the third day after her twenty-fourth child was born, my mother died. I took care of my 23 siblings with my drunken father."
"Only 21 siblings," one boy said.
"Why?" I asked.
Several of them said, "Because she was the third child."
I looked at them blankly (for a split second, this was all happening quickly).
One said, "Why would she take care of her two older brothers and sisters?"
"Good point," I said. I was impressed. They were paying better attention than I was.
I walked along the rows as I wrote out what they said. It was exhilarating to have them talking, participating. I didn't edit what they said. I wrote it and read it.
“Does she have a drug problem or drug problems?” I asked when someone shouted out the sentence.
“Multiple drug problems!” several said.
I read it outloud again—and again, each time we added a sentence, until we got to here:
I was born in Brooklyn, New York, the third child of twenty-four children. My mother was very tired. She had wrinkles and seizures. On the third day after her twenty-fourth child was born, my mother died. I took care of my twenty-one siblings with my drunken father. We got child support, and I had drug problems. CPS came and took away my brothers and sisters. I got away. I lived on the streets and sold dope.
"So now we need to think about this in storytelling terms," I said. "You can do whatever you like as a storyteller, but as of right now, are you rooting for this character?"
"No!" I heard.
"So do you want to do anything about that?"
"We can make it all turn out later," one girl said.
"No, there's no happily ever after in life," another said.
"So how do we end this?" I asked.
"She was killed in a drive-by shooting," a boy said.
"She got a boyfriend and they lived happily together." A girl.
"A boyfriend doesn't solve anything." A girl. "She gets a girlfriend."
"She becomes a dope lord." Girl.
"She electrocutes the boyfriend and goes to prison." A girl.
"She has 21 children and was very tired." A boy.
"Actually, as a storytelling device," I said. "That is very clever. It brings it all around again."
"How could she have 21 children if she was with a girl?" A girl. Same girl.
"They could have a surrogate or something." Another girl.
"She escaped to Canada and lived happily ever after."
"I tell you what," I said. "I want you each to come up with your own ending. If your teacher will do it with you later, I want to see what you come up with."
"Can we change what we already have?" A girl.
"Absolutely,” I said. I thought, "That's what it's all about, sugar."
I gave them copies of Coyote Cowgirl. And then we left. I don't know if they got anything from the visit, but I was glad to be with them, glad to hear their voices. 0 comments
Monday, October 24, 2005
Insanity Are Us
Tomorrow morning I go to juvenile detention to talk with some teenage girls. Some of them read Mercy, Unbound. I'm looking forward to talking with them.
I went to the doctor today. We're moving toward surgery, unless other things come to light of the negative kind. I could tell the doctor was angry with me for not getting help earlier. I said, "You don't understand. Coming here was like walking into a burning building." He didn't understand. I don't understand. The mind is a terrible thing. Period. We'll just keep progressing and see how it goes. He wants me on major drugs. They always do. Last night I dreamed I was living in the Night of the Living Dead. I kept trying to get the house all closed up so they couldn't get in, but I could see it wasn't going to work. So finally I just ran. And ran. And ran. Going deeper and deeper into the dark where it was safe. I awakened with my heart racing, in a sweat, glad it was a dream.
Off to the library. I hope you have all been walking in beauty.
Peace. 0 comments
Don't Shoot Until You See the Eyewall
I kid the Floridians. Please don't shoot. 0 comments
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Sunday With the Salmon
After about an hour of walking, we got to this waterfall—or near it. Metlako Falls. These next few photos were taken by Mario Milosevic.

Sap from old growth.

Rebar entanglement. This trail is very high up and narrow. People have slipped and died on this trail. So I hope this rebar is very entangled.

We were hoping for some perspective from this photo. We're over 1,000 feet up.

I took the salmon photos. You can see the seagulls and the people.

View from above.

More salmon.

You can really see the flesh coming off of them now. In this photo, you can hardly tell it's in water.
0 comments
Friday, October 21, 2005
Is It Finally Happening?
Did you know that was "tenterhooks?" I thought it was "tender hooks." But I looked it up to find out what the etymology was and couldn't find it. Did some searching and discovered it was tenterhook. What's a tenterhook? It's "a hooked nail for securing cloth on a tenter." Oh really? So what's a tenter? "A framework upon which milled cloth is stretched for drying without shrinkage." No, that doesn't tell me how it evolved into our present-day expression of waiting in suspense. But there you are.
I'm not really on tenterhooks about the Sox. The umping has been abysmal during the playoffs, so I'm not really sure who should have won their various series, but I am glad the Sox are playing. Maybe Shoeless Joe Jackson will be able to rest in peace. Although my guess is he already does.
I am looking forward (I think) to seeing what the Special Counsel does in regards to Plamegate. He has a website now, by the way, with some documents on it. He will announce next week what he is or isn't going to do. Looks like Judith Miller's idea of going to jail to spruce (or should I say "aspen") up her image isn't working, if indeed that was her intent. (See PDF in this story to read the letter from Libby to Miller.) Her bosses apparently told her she had to do a story on what happened or she couldn't come back to work. I think they should fire her. Should have fired her. People keep saying she went to jail for a story she never wrote. She never wrote the story because her editor wouldn't let her. (One of the few times they reined her in.)
If you understood this post, you have a better brain than I. Than me. Than all of us.
Ta! By the way, our aspen leaves are turning here. Along with everything else. Very pretty. That's about as poetic as I'm gonna get tonight. 0 comments
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Butch
Butch
Near Taos, New Mexico, 1918, or thereabouts. Space and Time being a continuum and all.
Butch MacLean could shoot, sit a horse, spin a yarn, track a varmint or villain, and pleasure a woman better than anyone alive. Butch’s particular talents held little value for the new folks pouring into the Southwest like locusts to a barbecue, but the old-timers still appreciated and tolerated the likes of Butch MacLean.
On that late night in April no one fussed much when Butch kicked open the door to Angel’s Heaven on Earth, while holding a pistol in each hand, and called, “I am here to rescue Miss Angel. Everyone out now or I will be forced to shoot you.”
The five or so men still in the saloon left quickly, backs to the wall, watching Butch as they scurried out. Butch had been known to take pot shots at more than just rabbits. Thirty-seconds later, the room was clear, except for the smoke, and Angel came from around the bar, hands on her cinched waist, blond curls framing her face and tickling the top of her bosom.
Butch walked toward Angel, guns still in the air, and leaned over and kissed her pearly white neck, and then her breasts--one at a time.
“Don’t be doin’ that unless you mean it,” Angel said.
“Darlin’,” Butch said. “I always mean it. I don’t have an insincere bone in my entire body.”
“Dammit, Butch,” Angel said. “Those were paying customers. Someday I’m gonna really be in trouble and nobody will believe it!”
“Just call me the cowboy who cried wolf,” Butch said.
“Cowgirl,” Angel said.
“Aww, Angie,” Butch said as she dropped the pistols onto the bar. “I was just trying to have some fun.”
“Sometimes you are more of an asshole than any man I know,” Angel said. “The law is gonna put you in jail if you keep doing this kind of thing. Just wait until I close and sneak in the back like all my other girls do. Now I’m gonna let the boys back in.” She started walking toward the door.
“Let me just take a trip up your dress first,” Butch said.
Angel laughed.
“I’ll be glad to,” she said. “After the boys finish their drinks. Now you can either stay here and be good or come back later and be bad.” She opened the door and leaned outside. “Come on in, boys. She promises not to pistol whip anybody.”
Doc Broome stumbled in first, followed by Merle Connelly and Johnny Jack. Butch sighed and turned back to the bar. This was not the ending to the night she had envisioned. She started to pick up her revolvers, but Angel slapped her hands down on them, pulled them away, and slipped them out of sight behind the bar.
“You can get them later,” she said. “You know I don’t allow weapons in my establishment.”
“Well, then,” Butch said. “I had better leave, since my body is a weapon. A weapon of love.”
Hearing all this--since Butch did not understand the concept of a whisper--Johnny Jack and Merle laughed as they climbed back onto their bar stools.
Butch leaned close to Johnny Jack’s right ear. “You remember, dontcha , Jay Jay?”
Merle and Angel stopped and stared at Johnny Jack, whose dark skin was turning darker.
“Hey,” Butch said. “He was a lot better lookin’ back then, and I was a lot less particular.”
With that, Butch staggered out of the bar. Or maybe she swaggered. It depended upon who you asked. Memories fog the truth, distort it, amplify it. Or expose it. But everyone appeared to be in good spirits, especially Butch, when she left Angel’s Heaven on Earth. Rosey stood next to someone’s automobile, her black and white coat nearly fluorescent in the moonlight. Her white tail swept across her black rump. Butch patted Rosey’s almost all white face. Black circled her left eye, and white spread across her neck, barrel, and flank and down her left rear leg like a kind of jagged almost-horse-shaped white continent across the sea of black horse.
“I need to take a leak, Rosey. Then we’ll be on our way. Or maybe not. Where’s George? Have you seen George? Oh fer Chrissakes, I’m talking to a horse’s rear end.” She giggled. “Not so much different than talking with a man.”
She had come into town earlier with George, but he had business at the other end of this street a few blocks from the plaza. The nearly full moon lit up the ramshackle wooden buildings that seemed to lean one against the other. On the few occasions Butch actually noticed this particular bent to the buildings--like now--she wondered what actually kept them up. “Whiskey, of course,” Butch whispered. “We all need something to keep us standing.”
She breathed deeply. A romp with Angel would have been fun, but this night air was bracing, nearly knocking the drunk off of her. She gazed up at the clear dark sky. The stars shivered and winked. She could hear the whisper of the acequia madre even though it was some distance away. She grinned. The full moon, silence, and alcohol made her senses preternatural. A chorus of coyotes began yipping at the moon. The cottonwoods across the street and down a bit stood tall and nearly bare in the moonlight, like tangled members of a Day of the Dead tableau, or a Danse Macabre. Despite this, the air smelled of spring the way only New Mexican air can: like dust, peppers, and the color blue.
Butch started walking away from the buildings and into the night, forgetting why she was there, only wanting to get closer to the sound of the coyotes and the mother ditch. Then she heard a woman cry out in the darkness. Instantly she ran toward the sound, up over a silver rise and then down again. Running in the desert was just plain stupid; running at night in the desert was a death wish. However, Butch could never resist the cry of a woman in trouble. And she was drunk.
Suddenly, she ran into a brick wall--or a person. They both fell back onto the ground. Butch jumped instantly to her feet. Nothing or no one was going to catch her on the ground: not a scorpion or a rattler certainly.
The body she knocked into was a bit slower getting up off the ground.
“Are you all right?” Butch asked. Butch always talked in a kind of drawl. Not Texan. Good Lord, no. Not Southern. Kind of Mexican, Native American, and Arizonian all rolled into one singsong drawl. She reached her hand out. The man stood on his own, quickly dusting off his chaps with one arm; he kept the other arm bent at his side. He wore two ammo belts crossed over his chest like a Mexican bandito; a cowboy hat shaded his face from Butch
“You Pancho Villa or something?” Butch asked.
The man went to step around her. Butch moved to block him.
“I heard a woman cry out,” Butch said, noticing a black shape near a medium-sized palo verde whose yellow flowers looked bright white in the darkness. “That her?”
The man shook his head. “I was the one who yelled,” he said, his English accented. Mexican. Clipped almost. From the rico class?
“I was thrown from my horse and was trying to get my bearings. I stumbled over that--that body. I yelled.” He hesitated. “Like a woman. My voice...rises when I am...afraid.”
“Happens to the best of us,” Butch said. “I scream like a woman too. Nothing wrong with that.”
“But you are a woman?” the man asked.
“That’s a fact,” Butch said, “I am pleased to report.” She kept her eye on the Bandito as she went toward the body. She squatted next to it. A man. She found his arm and felt for a pulse at his wrist.
“He’s not dead.”
“Shit.” The English word out of the man’s mouth sounded desperate.
Butch stood and looked at the Bandito. “You wanna tell me something about this?”
“No,” he said. “I don’t know you. I don’t know him.”
Butch could see the man’s arm now in the moonlight. Part of his sleeve was dark.
“He shot you?” Butch said. “I didn’t hear a shot. Looks like it’s bleeding heavy.”
“He shot me some time back,” he said quickly, as though relieved to speak of it. “He and his compañero have been tracking me. My ex-wife and her husband took my daughter. I went to México to get her back, and her husband sent his thugs after me. After I made...fuss.”
Butch laughed. “A fuss, eh? I kinda like making a fuss now and then.” Something about this young man tickled her. Like Angel’s blonde curls.
“I did fall from my horse. And I did find this man tracking me. I hit him with a rock from behind. I don’t know where the other man is.”
Butch tried to remember if she had seen any strangers at Angel’s.
The man on the ground moaned.
“Come on,” Butch said. “I guess I better get you outta here. The doc is drunker than I am, so I’ll take you home. TomA and Trick will either cure you or kill ya.”
“I’d prefer the cure,” the man said.
“Wouldn’t we all.”
Butch and the Bandito hurried over the rise and down again, toward Rosey. Butch untied the horse and got up into the saddle. She reached her arm down and helped the man up behind her.
“I’m Butch MacLean, by the way,” she said as she turned Rosey around. She gently kicked the horse into a gallop.
“I’m Mateo Cruz,” the man said.
“Yeah, well, hang on, Bandito,” Butch said. “We’re gonna get out of Dodge.”
A moment later, the darkness swallowed the trio. 1 comments
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Wilma
But I kid the Floridians. I hope everyone will be safe.
Did you notice the Republican talking heads are now bashing Special Counsel Fitzgerald? I just heard one guy on MSNBC say this was the worst prosecutorial misconduct EVER. I just started laughing. The guy hasn't done anything yet, but the spin machine is going strong. What if he doesn't indict anyone? Are the Republsicans going to say, "Oops, actually Fitzergald is the greatest prosecutor in history."
Ahhhh, ain't it great? 1 comments
Monday, October 17, 2005
Miss Run Amok
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Leave My Children Alone
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Gay Teens Hanged in Iran
I have no words after looking at the photographs (not of the hanging, just before). 0 comments
Starhawk in New Orleans
It’s like a scene out of a post-apocalyptic movie—a crowd of people gathered in the street outside the local tavern in the Bywater district of the Ninth Ward. The lower Ninth Ward, a few blocks away, is the scene of the worst destruction, but this eclectic neighborhood, one of the centers of alternative culture in New Orleans, has fortunately escaped heavy damage. Still, roofs are off, houses are molding away from the inside, and the streets are piled with garbage that, six weeks after the hurricane, has not been picked up.
The people gathered are black, white, gay, straight, a motley mix of artists and old-time Cajuns and circus performers, all talking madly and hugging each other and drinking beer. Malik, a founder of the Common Ground Collective, calls them to order. He makes me think of an old lion, with his mane of dreadlocks, turning his big head slowly from side to side, surveying an unruly pride. He outlines the work Common Ground has done in Algiers, tells them that if they can organize themselves, Common Ground can provide supplies and volunteers. Everyone is talking at once and interrupting each other, but there’s a lively, charged energy.
“What do you need here?” Malik asks.
“Garbage,” people thunder back. There’s a chaotic but unanimous agreement that garbage pickup is their first priority, and several people begin simultaneously to outline their failed attempts to get the city to do something.
Malik stops them. “If the city won’t do it, you got to do like we did across the river, and do it yourself. Now, who wants to do that? Who will volunteer?”
Most of the people raise their hands.
“When do you want to begin?”
“Now!”
We meet the next morning in Washington Square Park, where a kitchen from the Rainbow Family is providing the best free food in town, far, far better than the Styrofoam-packed chili dogs or military ration MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) available from the official relief organizations. Over eggs and pancakes, we get organized.
Who will take out the garbage? It’s the question always posed to any vision of utopia. Who will do the dirty work?
We will. Come on, it’ll be fun, you’ll enjoy it. And if we just start doing what needs to be done, others will join us and the work will go fast and pleasantly.
About fifteen of us head out, a mix of Common Ground volunteers and far fewer of the local community than raised their hands the night before We start at the corner by the bar where we met the night before, and begin picking up sacks of trash, plastic bags full of rotting food waste, and all the debris ejected from people’s flooded homes and shops. The small corner store has half its roof off and its contents on the street. We sling the bags into the back of pickup trucks, and pile it all on the meridian divider of a main street nearby, where the city can’t easily overlook it. We separate brush from mixed garbage, and stack anything usable separately. It’s hard work, and dirty, physical and sweaty and fun, like going to the gym, but more fun really because we’re working together. And satisfying as only cleaning up a really, really dirty mess can satisfy.
Tomorrow we will try to get a flat-bed trailor and pick up refrigerators. Almost every house on the block—in the entire area, has a dead refrigerator, some taped shut. People are warned not to open them inside the house, that you can’t get rid of the smell. You can clean them time and again with bleach, leave them baking in the sun for days—and still days later the smell will remain and bugs will be pouring out of the innards. The phenomenal waste of the embodied energy in all these appliances is appalling, but I can’t think of any real good use for them myself except possibly to fill them with cob, cement them shut and stack them for natural building blocks. A refrigerator-block wall—good insulation, poor thermal mass, and really hard to get anything else to attach solidly. And the bugs would still be a problem. But these are the sorts of things the mind ponders while picking up trash.
Meanwhile Juniper makes a valiant attempt to alert the city agencies that the trash will need to be picked up. She is told to call 211, for Emergency Services. Emergency Services tells her that the Southern Baptist Convention is responsible for solid waste disposal. Huh?? Even in Bush’s new faith-based world, we can’t quite believe this. She tries the local waste management company—they say that the mayor has replaced them the week before with the Army Corps of Engineers. Juniper eventually gets through to some puzzled woman at a phone service in Tennessee from the Corps who has no idea what she’s talking about. After an hour and twenty-five phone calls, she’s back to 211 and the Baptists. Now, the Baptists are a fine religious organization but we had no idea they were experts in solid waste management. Maybe it’s the immersion thing—some deep religious connection to cleanliness? Accept Jesus into your heart, and He will rapture your dead refrigerator into some other dimension? If every Baptist in the south were to suddenly appear in New Orleans and pick up even one sack of garbage, we could get the place clean in a day, but really, a few Bobcats and some big garbage trucks would actually be more to the point. Couldn’t we just go back to the Mafia? Or, what a radical idea, what if everyone in the city and the country regularly tithed some of their income to provide the services everyone needs, so we could pool our money and afford things like bulldozers and regular trash pickup that actually got around to all the neighborhoods where people lived? We used to have such a thing—it was called ‘government’ before Bush and his cronies on the far right began to systematically starve it and convince people that it was better to depend on religious charity to solve all their problems.
But the Baptists are not all that well schooled in solid waste management—we’re not sure they even know that the City of New Orleans is expecting them to pick up trash in the Ninth Ward. In any case, they are not in evidence here. Instead, it’s a group of neighborhood folks and a few volunteers I know for a fact are Pagans, anarchists, atheists and other undesirables, who have just started doing it.
Across the street, a battered white house sports a big American flag. The man inside, a big Cajun guy in a baseball cap, comes over and offers us water. He’s an ex-marine who used to train the Contras in Honduras to attack the Sandinistas, I’m told, until he became sickened by what was going on. He’s delighted we’re cleaning up the neighborhood, tells us stories of the hurricane, how after it was over the neighbors all got together and had a big barbecue with the meat that would otherwise rot in their freezers. He tells us how he worried about the older black folks across the street who had diabetes, tried to get them fruit and keep them fed.
“I don’t understand racism,” he says. “I’ve got six kinds of blood in my veins. My people been here for generations, five thousand years. I’m part Chittimacha Indian. The reason I look white—my mother married a German, but my great-grandaddy was a six foot African man.”
He was one of the snipers, who sat on his roof with his rifle to shoot suspected looters. The area is full of signs that say, “We are home, you are being watched!” “Mean dogs inside.” “This area protected by Smith and Wesson.”
He put up his flag as soon as the wind stops—but he hates the government. To him, that flag means the American people.
“This is so great,” he says as he brings us over cold water and hand sanitizer. “And that it’s people doing it, not the government.”
At the end of the day we go over to BJ’s, the neighborhood bar where everyone hangs out. “This is our living room,” one woman tells me. They are newly back—today is the first day many people have come home, and it is so beautiful to see how happy everyone is to be back. They are running up to each other and hugging their neighbors, laughing and crying. One of them buys beers for everybody on the cleanup crew—we have forty offered to us within half an hour, more than we can drink.
It’s what’s so wonderful about New Orleans, and so different from most cities in this country—these tight-knit communities, where neighbors know each other and care about each other and have place where people go and meet and hang out together, Cajuns and radicals and artists and circus performers, newcomers and old timers all.
“Click your heels together three times—we’re home!” says another big guy in a baseball cap, beaming. They all hug us and thank us. They’re dealing with the damage in their own homes, trying to clean up and clear out and make them liveable before they get back to work—if they still have jobs.
“But will people come back, do you think?” I ask a blond woman who is trying to get me inside to play pool.
“They’ll be back,” she assures me. “You won’t be able to keep them away. We have a neighborhood blog, and we’ve kept in contact, and everything all over it is all, “when can we go home?’ ‘When will they let us back?’ ‘We want to go home!’
Then Juniper and Lisa and I head out. We decide to drive through the lower Ninth Ward. Today is the first day that people are being let back in, to all but the very worst-hit neighborhoods. But we talk our way through the checkpoints, and drive through the blasted streets where the levee broke and the homes were assaulted by a mini-tsunami, a twelve-foot high wall of water. It’s a scene of unbelievable devastation. Streets reduced to piles of rubble, houses that are nothing but a roof in a sea of mud. One house has floated off its foundation and rests atop a car. A truck has careened into the side of a house, its front end resting on the lintel of a second story window. Other houses are simply piles of wood and scattered shingles.
There is no going back here, no happy homecoming for this neighborhood. No bomber, no invading army, could level it more thoroughly. It is Iraq brought home, literally, because the agent of destruction here was not the hurricane, but human neglect and warped priorities. The money that should have maintained the levees, like the National Guard that could have contained the looters, went to Iraq. Homeland Security, brought to you by Bush and neocons. Do you feel safer, now?
We walk briefly on the street closest to the break in the levee, a sea of churned mud. A room is ripped open, the whole house destroyed, but inside, a chandelier hangs intact. I’m thinking of a story I read somewhere, about a poor Southern family, where the mother’s deepest desire, her symbol of everything that meant comfort and safety and beauty and a good life, was a chandelier. In the story, they finally got one, and then some catastrophe struck, I don’t remember what. But this chandelier, intact among the ruins, seems to symbolize that some hopes and dreams can survive even this devastation. They might not be my hopes, or my dreams, or my vision of what is beautiful, but they are someone’s.
And that’s my own particular faith—that if we support each others’ dreams, if we deal with the garbage, if we take care of each other and do what needs to be done, some beauty will be born out of all of this mess. Click your heels together. There’s no place like home.
Starhawk
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
To Protect and To Serve
Resistance is futile.
Don't count on it. 0 comments
Monday, October 10, 2005
I Am Home...
She quotes Thich Nhat Hahn: "Some people think it's a miracle to walk on water. I think it is a miracle to walk on the earth in peace."
Ain't that the truth.
I have arrived. I am home... 0 comments
Friday, October 07, 2005
More Walkin' With Da Fishes



This is what the salmon are climbing!

Self-portrait, going up stream

Resting? I saw several salmon that I thought were on their last breath, so to speak, only to see them sometime later suddenly burst into life, so I don't know if this salmon is resting or if it is dying.

And that's the end of that tale...tail?
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Freedom of Speech R.I.P.?
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Patricia Went to D.C.!
Swimming with the Fishes
The white patches on these salmon are where they've been battered during their trip upstream. This group is not as bruised and battered as most.

This salmon was moving fast. It's in focus while the stream above and around it is out of focus.

In this photo you can see at least five living salmon; the white one is dead on the floor of the creek.

This is a view from above. It's difficult to see but the darkness is all salmon, mostly deep dark maroon-colored salmon swimming in circles where they take turns trying to jump up the dam. Ain't working.

When I first got to the creek, several of them checked me out. A couple of them twitched their tails and splashed me.

I had human company, too. Poor guy didn't have boots so he was stuck on dry land while I was swimming with my buds.

I decided to take a walk after I communed with the salmon. I hadn't been on this trail since I got poison oak last year. Let's hope I didn't get it this time.
Not sure what this is but I like it.

Maidenhair Fern looking as new and fresh as springtime.

Fresh new ferns along the way.

Walking in Old Growth and Sweet Light

This photo is a west view. You can see the top of the dam in the distance. No fish in this part of the creek.

Yellow darkness in Bigfoot country.

2 comments
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Ordinary Life
I also missed the annual Artists of the Gorge Art Show opening at the library last night, an October ritual I hated to miss, especially since it was dedicated to Linda. Mario said she looked beautiful, and she told me she had a great time.
Today Mario and I drove to Portland for him to get his stitches out. We got to the clinic a few minutes early. Mario went in, got the stitches out, and left the office before his 4:00 appointment time. When has that EVER happened? Have you ever gone to a doctor's appointment and gotten in on time, let alone gotten out BEFORE the appointment? We were astonished.
We celebrated by getting take-out to eat with the baseball game. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough cash and my credit card was blocked. I couldn't figure out why, since we only use it in emergencies and we don't owe anything on it. I was embarrassed; I don't know why. Mario ended up counting out quarters on the bar to pay for our dinner. I called the credit card company on the way home, and they had blocked our account because someone had called them yesterday, so they believed our "account had been compromised" (again). This made us late getting home so we only got to see the last out of the Knee Hi series (Red and White Sox).
So now the next series is on in the background (Damn Yankees and LA Angels). The players all look juiced. Unless I can find a team that doesn't look steroided to the max I'm just not interested. It would be fun to see the White Sox go to the World Series.
I know this is just trivia I write about tonight. Ah well, kids. It's either this or nada.
Much going on in the world. I feel strangely detached from it. I watch Tom DeLie flap his gums and wonder if he'll get away with it. I watch the Wrong (popularly called the Right) go apoplectic (I started to write apocalyptic) over Bush's nominee to the Supreme Court. Do you think maybe he picked her because she knows all his dirty little secrets, and he wants someone on his side when the Valerie Plame Wilson leak scandal goes to the Supreme Court? Everyone says they don't know her views. Of course they do. The Emperor surrounds himself with sycophants. She believes what he believes. Period. And Judith Miller. Well, you know what I think about all that: she went to jail to burnish her image. I haven't changed my mind. That special prosecutor better have an indictment for someone besides a journalist, however. And soon.
Ah well. We've all got our demons. That's just life. 0 comments
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Spawning
I drove to Portland to listen to a monk talk about dream meditation and Bon shamanism. I was more interested in the shamanism, but no one had told the monk he was supposed to talk about it, so he didn't. I left before it was over after I looked up and the roof spun. A touch of vertigo to remind me all was not balanced? I drove home. Spent most of the night on the couch trying to keep the world from spinning.
Today on the way home from an appointment in Portland, we stopped at Eagle Creek to see if the salmon were running. It has been raining for days now so the rivers and creeks are finally passable for the fish. I put on my tall rubber boots, waded into the Creek, and stood with the salmon. Rain fell. A kingfisher flew overhead. In the clear water, salmon moved. Crypt-keeper salmon. Night of the Living Dead salmon. If one had that mindset. It's sad and beautiful watching these beautiful and decrepit creatures doing what comes naturally: spawning.
Last time I waded with the fish, in the fall of 2003, I wrote this: Later, Mario and I drove to Eagle Creek to take a quick hike in the break in the storm. It was cold and windy. I remembered walking here just three weeks ago when it was still in the 70's and huge yellow leaves drifted from the vine maples with each gust of wind, cluttering the path like falling stars, sizzling with beauty as they settled into the earth and became part of a colorful mosaic for our feet. Mario and I had watched the sweet light make its way through the autumn-colored trees and mist that rose like frosty exhales from the giant Douglas firs: we were speechless.
That day, we stopped at the creek and watched the salmon struggling to get upstream to spawn, their bodies blood-colored, undulating with determination to go up, up, up. Sometimes they leapt into the air, and they were all motion and stillness at the same time, and my knees weakened to witness the beauty of it all.
That same warm week, I returned to Eagle Creek alone, carrying brand new rubber boots I had bought at the hardware store in town. I walked carefully down to the creek near where the salmon were spawning. I started to step into the water when I noticed these rose-colored beads at the river's edge. Bus loads of children had been here each time we visited, so I thought someone's necklace had broken, and the beads had fallen into the clear cold water. I crouched closer to the water. Or were they pieces of candy? They were different colors. Rose. Pink. Light orange. And so perfectly round. Exquisite. Gems. I wished I had a necklace made out of them. Some were salmon-colored. Maybe even most of them.
Salmon-colored? Wait a minute. I stood and looked into the middle of the creek. These salmon- and rose-colored pearls were scattered all over the creek bed. They were salmon eggs! Wow. Watching my step, I went into the shallow water. After a few feet, I stopped and watched the salmon all around me. Most now were white and red, raggedy, falling apart after their long journey. One salmon swam up next to me. Part of her flesh was falling off of her tail, and I could see her tail bones. Another fish, about a foot from me, kept turning on her side and wiggling. After she did this, another salmon came and undulated over where the first salmon had been. I assumed I was witnessing the laying and fertilizing of the salmon eggs which would lay at the bottom of the creek, some to become food for other creatures, some to become salmon fingerlings in the spring.
As I stood in the water amongst these sacred creatures, I wondered if I was one of the returning salmon, on my last fin, so to speak, or one of those pearls of wisdom on the sandy bottom of the creek waiting for a new beginning. Were we all ending and beginning constantly?
No eggs today. The cold water around my boots made my teeth chatter. I reached for Mario's hand, and we walked back to the car. I always find it so moving to see these fish. I pray to the salmon when I eat it. Such tenacity. We should all be so lucky to have that kind of drive to bring ourselves to fruition. To become ourselves wholly. Holy.
Blessed be. 0 comments
Monday, October 03, 2005
Calls to Action
Also, here's a link to the NRDC to try and stop Congress from allowing drilling for oil in Arctic Refuge.
Starhawk is on her way to the New Orleans area. She says, "Hurricanes Katrina and Rita affected an area the size of Great Britain. While the official government response has ranged from inadequate to abusive, hundreds and thousands of ordinary people have volunteered time, skills, and resources to help the survivors. As the flood waters recede, relief is still needed in many communities. The Common Ground collective in Algiers, a suburb of New Orleans, has organized community-based services, a medical clinic, and resisted attempts to evict all the remaining inhabitants of the city. The Rainbow Gathering kitchens have been feeding thousands. The Veterans for Peace have been using their skills and experience to help bring supplies and needed services to people.
For the month of October, the Green Earth Cluster will establish a base for people with skills in ecological design, permaculture, and/or roots in earth-based spirituality to connect together and volunteer our help. Many of us have been together in Pagan Cluster actions in mobilizations, or taken part in Green Bloc projects to support community gardens or challenge corporate control by planting a vision of the world we want. Now we have an opportunity to use our skills on a much larger scale.
In early October, we’ll be setting up an encampment on a friend’s land near the Houma Reservation, about an hour and a half from New Orleans, working on offering support to the elders and community members whose homes were flooded and now need to be cleaned, demolded, and made habitable. The work is not likely to be glamorous, and we may or may not have opportunities to do permaculture, building or greening projects, but our intention is to do what is most needed. Later, our base and focus may change as new needs are identified.
Who is needed? Anyone who can work hard, stay healthy in tough conditions, be self-reliant, and do what needs to be done. People with carpentry and building skills, trauma and crisis counseling skills, and medical training are always needed, but so are those who can do driving, general cleanup, and are simply willing to take on unpleasant tasks. We all need to be able to work sensitively in a variety of different cultural milieus.
Below is the original Pagan Cluster Call to Action. Out of sensitivity to the local, heavily Christian culture of the area, we are calling ourselves the Green Earth Cluster. If you are moved to join us, contact information is at the bottom of this post. There is also information on how to donate money (by Paypal or by tax-deductible check) to help purchase needed supplies."
Pagan Cluster Call to Action
Hurricane Relief Mobilization
October, 2005
The Green Earth Cluster is planning to create a presence in the hurricane affected areas for at least the month of October, around which we can reach out to support the relief and rebuilding work of the local individuals and communities in the affected areas.
What will we be doing?
Many of the details will remain fluid as we respond to opportunities and shifting needs. We might be nailing tarps to roofs, we might be chipping wood, we might be listening to people, we might be offering healing at a community medical center, we might be building water filtration systems, we might be helping to organize, we might be sifting through trash and building compost piles. In all things we will be grounding.
What spirit do we hope people will bring with them?
We have the intention of listening and being open to the needs and desires of those who have survived this disaster and to be willing to adapt our response to what we learn. Come with a spirit of willingness to do whatever is needed.
What kind of support can I expect?
It is our intention to create a space to support each other as we reach out to others. There are at least two buses and an RV coming. Accommodations will be very rough and might include tent camping or sleeping on floor space; and will require a fair degree of self sufficiency and self responsibility for your own health and groundedness.
How might I get there?
You can drive there—better yet find others from your area willing to go and drive together. Borrow or rent a truck or van and collect needed supplies from your local community to bring down. You could also fly in and out of the New Orleans, airport.
The Living River bus, a grease bus with Elizabeth and Deborah, will be leaving from North Carolina on October 5 and they are willing to pick 10 people up at airports along the way (Charlotte, NC, must arrive by October 4; Atlanta, GA must arrive before noon on October 5; or Birmingham, AL, must arrive by 2 PM October 5). Four people can get rides back to those airports with Elizabeth on October 17th. Contact Elizabeth at revolutionaryradical@yahoo.com or 336-877-5571 to make arrangements.
What time frame do I need to come for?
Our expectation is that people will come and go as their schedule and other considerations allow. We will attempt to coordinate those able to offer transportation to and from the mobilization with those that need it, however we ask that you consider your transportation and scheduling needs and do your best to have a plan to meet those needs before arriving.
What should I do if I want to come?
If you can come for any amount of time, email katrina@pagancluster.org with your name and phone number(let us know if it is a cell or land line), the time you will be coming, how you will be getting there, any particular skills or material support you will be bringing with you and any needs that you want the PC community to be aware of.
What else can I do?
* You can donate supplies for Katrina survivors and for the Pagan Cluster community while we are there. The supplies that are most needed change day to day and by location, so please check here to find out what is most needed. If you have supplies that you are willing to donate, please e-mail katrina@pagancluster.org with what you have and we will help to coordinate how to get it there.
* You can donate much needed money which will be used to help finance this mobilization and hopefully have enough to provide more of the needed supplies. Contributions can by made through PayPal here. Please mail checks to: Alliance for Community Trainers; 1405 Hillmont; Austin, Texas 78704. Indicate on the check that the donation is for Pagan Cluster Katrina Relief Mobilization.
* You can pass along this call to as many supportive communities that you know of in order to strengthen the webs of connections and support.
For more information:
An e-mail to katrina@pagancluster.org will get a response as soon as possible. If you need to call someone, you can call Juniper at 512-431-7988 or Elizabeth at 336-877-5571.
There is also useful and updated information here, here, and here. 0 comments
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Arirang