The Furious Spinner

In case you've forgotten who Ms. Broad is, you might want to check out her last Q&A session. Happy holidaze!

Q. My mother-in-law bought me a Christmas outfit which I hate, but I don't have the guts to tell her, so I'm stuck wearing it to her house for Xmas dinner. Tell me, Ms. Broad, are there any accessories that go with red, white, and green.
A. A vodka gimlet.

Q. I'm not Christian, and I hate Christmas. I think it's arrogant everyone assumes everyone else is Christian. What can I do about this?
A. I hear ya. I know a perfect way you can get in the holiday spirit without compromising your own beliefs. If your friends start singing carols or talking about Christmas, just politely say, "Go ahead and celebrate his birth, cuz he'll get his in about 33 years, and it won't be pretty."

Q. I tend to put on a lot of weight during the holiday season. What do you suggest?
A. Binge and purge.

Q. Do you have a good recipe for eggnog?
A. No. They all taste like snot.

Q. What's your favorite Christmas Carol?
A. I prefer boys, sugar. Not that I haven't been tempted. Ask me my favorite Christmas Carl, and I might have an answer.

Q. Is it ethical to cut down Christmas trees and put them in your house?
A. Duh. Christ-mas trees. When else would you cut them down.

Q. Am I obligated to buy my mistress a Christmas present?
A. Does a bear shit in the woods? Really. I want to know the answer to that.

Q. My family wants to come over for the holidays. Is it socially acceptable for me to lock the doors, turn out the lights, and pretend I'm not home?
A. So that's what was going on when I went home last year.

Q. Do you believe Jesus was a real man or just a metaphor for the birth of the sun at Solstice?
A. Them some big words there, son. Can't we just all get along?

Q. I'm not in the holiday mood this year. Any suggestions?
A. Bourbon with just a dash, a hint, a molecule of Valium.

Q. Dear Ms. Broad, a lot of your answers to the questions involve alcohol. Do you think maybe you have a drinking problem?
A. I've never thought of that. Buy me a drink, and we can discuss it.

Q. What's your favorite Christmas movie?
A. Die Hard. I thought the Xmas decorations in the movie brought out the spirit of the season even as the psychopaths sprayed bullets into the revelers.

Q. What is an appropriate greeting at this time of year that I can be sure won't offend anyone of any religious or spiritual belief?
A. Happy Halloween!

Q. Do I have to give my boss a Christmas present? I don't think she even knows who I am.
A. Well, if she's that inconsiderate, she doesn't deserve—Wait a minute. You look familiar Don't you work for me? 0 comments

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