The Furious Spinner

I awakened this morning at 4:30 a.m. and wasn't able to go back to sleep right away, so I turned on the television. There was Tom Ridge spouting something about terrorism. I didn't pay much attention, but then the anchor came on to do news headlines and said that law enforcement and others were being told to be on the lookout for people carrying almanacs. I waited for her to crack up or make any kind of remark which would indicate they were kidding. She didn't.

Almanacs? I'm a librarian. One of the best tools to answer many reference questions is the World Almanac. (Although many of the news articles don't mention the World Almanac, focusing their story on the Farmer's Almanac, I would guess the FBI is talking about the kind of info in the WA as opposed to the FA—unless, of course, as Mario suggested this morning, they are now going to arrest people for planting by the moon! Which wouldn't actually surprise me.) This is just so ridiculous. Are they going to come into our houses to see what we're reading soon, too? I confess: WE OWN AN ALMANAC. It's sitting on my bookshelf right this instant, calling to me. Coercing me! Could it mean there is a terrorist living in this house? I better have Tom Ridge check out the spiders and meeces. Maybe this would explain the knocking I hear in the walls when no one else is home but me: a squirrel terrorist cell. Or maybe the house itself is a terrorist! Call the freaking FBI!

I'm waiting for a spokesperson to come out from one of the Almanac companies and say, "Almanacs don't make terrorists, terrorists make almanacs. Uh, wait, no I didn't mean that! We're not terrorists even though we make—" Cue the Homeland Security thugs with batons and handcuffs dragging the spokesperson away.

Come on. In reality, almanacs don't make terrorists. I suppose these law enforcement people are just trying to do the best they can, but some of this stuff is silly. Some of it is dangerous. What can create terrorists are people whose civil liberties are being abused or ignored. The abuses are piling up. Recently the Department of Justice was forced to release tapes they said they never had of guards abusing immigrant detainees—detainees who had nothing to do with any terrorist plots. Perhaps the employees of the Department of Justice need to meditate on what the word "justice" means.

All the polls and talking heads say that George Dubya Shrub is unbeatable in the next election. I hope they are wrong. I hope that as a nation we will rise up and see this man and his administration for what they are: liars, thieves, and fascists—and vote them out of office. For New Year's, I think each of us should consider pledging to do what we can to help elect someone besides Shrub as president. And if he does get reelected, then I believe we have to step outside the political process in creative ways to make certain he does as little damage as possible to our environment and civil liberties—and the World.

I need to go eat breakfast. But first, I better go hide that almanac. Or maybe put it in my front window....

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